S is for Shitty Weekend

Hi everyone, hope your weekend was better than mine....mine sucked a big giant white ass! I think I mentioned that my dishwasher was crapping out right? Well it's gone. Finito. So I went to Sears on saturday to get a new one and the only ones they had in stock were 3 different kinds in white. Who the fuck wants white appliances? Okay a lot of people do but I was looking for stainless steel. So I lectured the guy about how they shouldn't advertise something they do not have in stock and I broke down and ordered one. It'll be ready to pick up tomorrow by 6pm. Anyway, all weekend we've been sent back to the stone ages (or my parents' house) and have been doing the dishes by hand. The rest of the day Saturday was uneventful....my dad was at my house and we were working on the front yard....almost done. I did take my wife, daughter and father out to dinner at The Red Lobster though. I call it THE Red Lobster because it makes it feel more special to me.....like it is not a franchise and is the only one that exists. I had the ultimate feast. I have been to Red Lobster well over 100 times and that is the only thing I have ever eaten there. My wife got some crab pasta alfredo and didn't like it. Proof that once you find a good thing you should stick to it....if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And how can you go wrong with their Caesar salad? It's as salty as a sweaty nut sack but it is the best in the whole world.

Sunday was the kicker. My dad and I got up early and continued work on the front yard. We wrapped up with what we could do at around 10:30am. So I decided to grab the family and head up to the lake to take the boat out. Well we got there and threw all our shit in the boat and Boom.....dead battery. I didn't want to fart around with it while my wife and kid were there because it was like a bazillion degrees outside so I am gonna go up after work one day this week and remove the battery and take it to the shop down the road so they can recharge it for me. Then we came home from the lake and went to the public swimming pool that is nearby. I swear to god, public pools are like Puerto Rican magnets. Not that I really give 2 shits but it is true. I can hear it now, "Vinny why do you have to categorize and stereotype?" My answer is that I like to because it is fun. I enjoy categorizing and stereotyping people....including myself...so THERE! I just don't like when people start jumping in the water right next to you no matter what ethnic group they belong to. You know what the funny thing is? I have lived in the Poconos for like 2.5 years now and I have seen about 3 Puerto Ricans.....then I went to the pool and saw about 15 of them. Again, not that I really care for all you super-sensitive types whom I don't want to offend!!! Just thought I would mention it. You want offensive you should have seen what I said in the grocery store one day when I was joking around about the watermelons!

Anyway I got off the topic....I was talking about my shitty weekend. So we came home from the pool and I heard this weird noise. Yep, busted pipe in the basement. So I had to shut the water off to the entire house last night until the pipe is replaced this morning. So other than spending great time with my little stinky my weekend sucked moose ass. Dishwasher, busted pipe, no water, dead boat battery.....who needs this bullshit? And I sincerely hope nobody gives me the old "think about the less fortunate" and "it could be much worse". Everything could always be worse...that's obvious. I hate those lines. I busted my ass for a long time to make sure I am not one of those less fortunates. Just let me wallow in my despair and feel sorry for myself for a little while and then I will get over it. It's like I tell my wife when I get mad. If you let me hoot and holler and throw stuff for 5 minutes I will be over it. Otherwise I will stew all day long about it. Nobody wants that!

Okay I am going to try and start a new thing (when I remember) called interesting fact. So here's today's interesting fact: No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.

Talk to you later...TOODLES!!!