Assholes and Elbows

So I show up to work this morning and open one of my desk drawers and it was full of styrofoam peanuts....AGAIN! So I proceeded to check the rest of the drawers and they were all full. I spent the last 45 minutes cleaning them all out. I have no doubt who it was....my boss! He and I have a history of playing practical jokes on each other. Yesterday I made a bogus PA announcement where I read his license plate number and said, "Your lights are on". Now walking out to the parking lot here is a big deal because it is a really long walk. So he walked all the way out there only to find that his lights were not on. I guess he realized it was me and he put the peanuts in my desk as payback. So while he was in his morning meetings this morning I went to the one-stop-shop we have here that's like a drugstore and I bought a bunch of bags of confetti and dumped them in his desk drawers--much more difficult to clean than the peanuts are. So I am now waiting for him to open his desk drawers. NICE! Last week I left an official looking memorandum on his desk saying that DOIM (Dep't of Info Mgmt) monitored him looking at porno websites and that this kind of behavior would not be tolerated.

I was up half the night last night because Stinky is getting her molars in and couldn't sleep so we brought her into our bedroom and she was tossing around and must have kicked me in the head about 6 times. Needless to say my ass is dragging today. At least I got to relax when I got home yesterday. I filled up the bathtub with ice cubes, raw shrimp in the shell and a pack of raw bacon and soaked in it for a while. Very soothing and good for the skin.

I am planning on going out on my boat this weekend. Not sure which day but I WILL get out on the lake. I just wish I had another person who knew how to drive the fucker so I could waterski. I have a brand new pair of waterskis I haven't been able to use yet. The rules say that while someone is skiing there needs to be 2 people in the boat: a driver, and a lookout to watch the skiier. Anyone know how to drive a boat and want to come visit this weekend? I also have to put gas in the boat. Gas on the lake is about $5.00 a gallon and my engine holds 28 gallons. JESUS!

I don't know what is up with me lately but I have been crapping my ass off every morning. I was never a morning pooper. I'd always go in the early afternoon but this whole week I have gotten to work in the morning, had a couple coffees and BAM, gotta Poo! I hate that because then you walk around all day with swamp ass.

I think by now most of you know that I am against guys (flippers) wearing sandals unless they're at the beach or pool. Like I have said in the past I have no problem with chicks doing it but not so with guys. Anyway there's some clown walking around here at work today with jeans on....you know the kind that are frayed at the bottom of each pant leg? Well he has those on with sandals. Totally uncalled for. I passed him in the hallway and you could hear his sandals flip-flopping all the down the fucking hallway! WTF?!?! I just shook my head as I passed and bit my tongue for once. I don't need any EEO complaints filed against me like the chick did last week when I grabbed her ass. KIDDING!

Anyway, that's it for now. I will probably post another blog later since I don't have much to do today. Oh and I got another song on my iPod: "Big Papa" by Biggie Smalls. NICE!