I hate everything French
Big news today....I went to several news websites this morning like I do every day because I pride myself on being very aware of current events. Well the big headline this morning was a significant event with far-reaching socio-political impact. That's right, Madonna may leave Kaballah. First of all I am suspect of any "religion" that sounds like an Arab camel jockey's middle name. Secondly, all of these "religions" that famous people (I don't use the word celebrity) belong to are nothing more than cults. Sorry folks, if you don't think Scientology is a cult then there's something amiss. Kaballah is another manufactured fad of a religion that's all the rage with the trendies. Anyway, I digress. Why the fuck is this a news headline? You know, Madonna has her fans and supporters and all of that jazz but do any of these people even believe that this should be headline news? Then on like page 5 there's a story about how 10 college football players raped an 11 year old girl. That's seems a little more significant than Madonna's cult membership.
If you have to tell me what fraction of you is Native American, you're not really an Indian. There's a word for people who claim to be one-quarter Indian: Puerto Rican
Anyway, weekend was good. Got my new dining room set and it is AWESOME. I also spent a lot of time with Stinky. I sat in her kiddie pool with her and splashed around and we took turns chasing each other around the house. We went to my parents' house on Saturday for a while too. All in all pretty relaxing. This week I am going to try and get some bike riding in after work. Except for Wednesday because that's the day I have my golf tournament. Oh and I WILL be going out on my boat this weekend....I don't care what the weather is like. I haven't been on my boat in a month.
Speaking of ass crack…plumbers need to start wearing extra high jeans. Listen, you’re in my house, I am paying you money to fix a problem, giving you lemonade to drink the courteous thing to do is not show me your 2 feet of ass crack every time you bend over to climb under the sink.
I haven't had anymore run-ins with the girl scouts but I am keeping an eye out. Italy won the world cup yesterday. Thank God. I was happier seeing the French lose though. I can go on and on about the French but I will save that for another blog.
Finally, a list of great excuses for the next time you decide to call in sick to work:
1) I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
2) I refuse to travel to my job in the city until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
3) I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You think I should come in?
4) The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
5) When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
6) "I'm too fat to get into my work pants."
7) Last night in San Francisco I was attacked by a guy who didn't like the remarks I made about him and he hit me in the face and broke the windshield of my car with a small bat that I tried to hit him with.
8) I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.
9) I was really horny last night and I had my thumb in my ass when I sneezed!! I clinched up so violently that I broke my thumb and will not be able to return to work for at least two weeks!
posted by P-Nut @ 1:06 PM
5 Comments:
Vinny, you are too much.
I agree, who gives a fat rats ass about Madonna's religion. Not to defend her or anything but I'm sure she doesn't want her business plastered all over the front page either.
I don't get the Puerto Rican thing.
I agree with your ass crack point of view, but I prefer to call it "the coin slot."
My boyfriend hates the French too. I don't understand that. I have so many French friends that are great & wonderful people. Just because I don't like something their government does, doesn't mean that I hate all of its citizens. I mean isn't that what there Iraqi’s are doing to us??
I'm going to use #5 next time I call in to work.
I was in France 3 times...the people were the shittiest, rudest, nastiest people I have ever seen. Made New Yorkers look like the Pope. I know some of your same French friends and the one's I knew were all decent enough. Maybe it has something to do with if they're in their own country with their own people or not...who knows. I am sure there are some decent ones but for the most part I hated them. It has nothing to do with their government. The fact is that they, as a people, hate Americans and everyone else. Normally I could care less but they owe their entire existence to our country. Hell even the Germans and Spanish (neighbors) hate the French. And the Puerto Rican thing is a joke.
I was in France (Paris and Lyon) post 911. I visited friends in Lyon. I flew into Paris, and traveled on high speed train to Lyon and later in the week visited Paris by myself for 2 days and then returned to Lyon for the rest of my stay. I was alone and can’t read a lick of French. I was so confused in the train station when first arriving. I had total strangers helping me find the right train without me even asking them, they could just tell by the look on my face I was confused. It’s not like I can hide the fact that I’m American. It’s totally obvious as soon as I open my mouth. A complete stranger let me use his cell phone twice on the train, again without me having to even ask. Later in the week when I went to Paris, while return to Lyon, I got confused on the train. I was given the wrong ticket. My ticket said one station and the train I was on only stopped at the other station in Lyon. I was screwed….. it was late at night and I was going to the next town which was at least a 5 hour car ride away. Not to mention, I had no way of contacting my friend Thierry who was waiting at the station to pick me up. I walked through the train until I came to the conductor, I was so upset, they were very kind and helped me work everything out. The conductor called the station at the next stop. The train I needed to be on to go back to Lyon, was leaving 15 minutes before the train I was on arrived. Which put me sleeping in the train station over night. They held the train for me, ME, little ol Liza Jane the American. These trains operate on a strict schedule, 15 minutes is a good deal of time. When my train arrived at the next station a conductor met me at the door and escorted me to the train back to Lyon, and was VERY nice to me. I would have been totally screwed without their help. I visited a tiny town in the south of France where the population was 59, everybody in town came by to welcome the American (me). The banner on the house I visited said “Welcome Liza!!! We like the USA!!!" My experience in France was a very good one. Sure there were rude people but I’m willing to bet that the ratio of rude people in America and in France would be pretty damn close. Actually, I’m willing to bet you that when the French visit here they are treated with much more disrespect then when we visit there. How many Americans speak French???? EVERYBODY in France speaks English, even the rude people. Explain that……
I’m sorry, there are just too many grudges and too much hatred in this world. Gets on my nerves. You will never hear me say that I hate any country, culture, or race. At least not until I’ve walked in their shoes. I’ve had plenty of Americans do shitty things to me, do I say I hate Americans??? I’ve had plenty of Americans be rude to me; do I say I hate Americans??? NO!
My friend who I went to France with spoke fluent, perfect French....flawless except for his slight American accent. I let him do all the talking and ordering at restaurants and stuff. Everytime he would attempt to communicate in French they would cut him off and say, "I can speak English you know." What the fuck is that? Hey what can I say, you had a great experience there....much better than my own. That's great, and like I said I am sure there are plenty of decent French people over there. But the rude to nice ratio I experienced while there exceeded anything I have ever seen anywhere else. Because of that, I will remain the 'ugly American' toward the country of France. I hate plenty of people. Not proud of it or happy aboutit. But when I witnessed some of the savagery that I have it confirmed that there are people worth hating and that the world would be a better place without.
You missed my point...... I agree, I think there are people on this Earth that don't deserve to be, but I don't think it's fair to say "I hate the French" based on how a few of them treated you, when you can't really say that you know the French.
How often do you think a tourist from another country visits America and sits down in a restaurant where the waiter can speak their language??? Not much.
Nevermind, I see the world with different eyes. I can't change your opinion.
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