Superfluous anal discharge

So I have noticed a trend: whenever I post an educational or editorial article nobody responds but when I do something funny and/or personal people comment on it....weird. So anyway, I was just in the bathroom pooping when I overheard 2 guys at the urinals talking about how unreliable weathermen are. Now everyone knows my hatred for the weather nut sacks so I chimed in, "Yeah they never know what the hell they're talking about." We then carried on a short conversation while they washed their hands and I continued dropping root. Seems I am not the only one who has this opinion of weathermen.

So I got my oil changed yesterday and swung by the grocery store on my way home. I grabbed a few things and on my way out to the car I noticed someone committing and act which is my greatest pet peeve in the entire world: not putting the shopping cart back in the shopping cart return cage. So I watched and waited. She parked the cart in the adjacent parking spot while she loaded her groceries. When she was done loading her groceries she left the cart right there! I deem this unacceptable so while she walked around the driver's side I grabbed her wagon and pushed it to the back of her car and left it there blocking her in. She saw me do it and climbed out of her car and asked why I did that. I proceeded to launch a profanity-laced barrage at her about how wind blows the carts into people's cars and why can't she walk her lazy ass the whole 30 feet away to put the cart back. So I said, "No I am not moving it....consider yourself lucky your cart didn't touch my car or it would be in your windshield right now." I mean damn! Why are people so fucking lazy?

The other big news I forgot to mention: I was nominated for some kind of civilian hero award or something like that...I forget the correct name for it. The day I flew home from Germany I was driving home from the airport and was only about 15 miles from my house. There was a car in front of me driving like an asshole and I could tell it was an old man because of the hat and big ears. Anyway I noticed the car swerved off onto the shoulder of the road a couple times. Now I had just had a 9 hour flight, waited an hour for my luggage, paid $120.00 to park for 10 days at the airport and drove an hour and a half so I just wanted to get home. So all of a sudden, out of nowhere the car goes off the opposite side of the road and BAM right into a telephone pole up on and embankment. So I skidded off the side of the road and ran over there. I noticed that the telephone pole was in danger of coming down, the electrical wires were basically the only thing holding it up. So I opened the driver's side door and checked the guys responses. He said he was okay but wasn't sure what just happened. So I called 911 from my cell phone and then dragged him from his car. I didn't want to move him in case he was injured but those wires were coming down eventually. So the ambulance showed up and they were tending to the old man and BOOM a wire fell. Scared the piss out of me too. Anyway turns out the guy was diabetic and went into some kind of shock. That's about it. My plan is to contact the organization who gives out the award and tell them to withdraw my name from consideration. I don't want an award for that!

That's about it from N.E.P.A. Gotta bring the dog to the vet tonight and then when I go home I will probably strip down naked, put clothespins on my ears, grab the mop and soak it in water for a while and try to whip myself in the ass with it. This does wonders for ridding yourself of long nose hairs.