Daddy....what's erectile dysfunction?

Enough already with these fucking hard-on commercials. I am afraid that soon my little stinky is gonna start asking me what all this shit means! I can see it now, "Daddy what's erectile dysfunction?" Me, "Ummmm, no sweety, he said 'a reptile luncheon'". I mean what the fuck? And do I really need to sit there and listen to Bob Dole talk about how he can't get a boner? A resounding NO!

While we're at it, what's with the medicine commercials with the crazy side effects given by the fast talker guy. "Warning, this product may cause liver damage, headaches, severe diarrhea, sweaty balls, ass cheese, hairy eyeballs, itchy rashes, an extra head to grow out of your shoulder and occasionally, death" but you can't hear a goddamn thing because the dick talks so fast!

So I am gonna be busting my ass trying to get everything squared away for my girls' arrival tomorrow. I have to straighten up the landscaping, cut the grass, vacuum, and some other shit so I have my work cut out for me tonight and tomorrow morning. That bad storm and rainy weather we had wreaked havoc on my cedar mulch in the front yard and I am not too happy about it. That shits about $5.00 a bag and I have already bought 80 bags of it. Now I am gonna have to get a few more to do some touching up....just great.

I went to Country Junction, the world's biggest general store yesterday. That fucking place ROCKS! You can find anything and everything there. You can even buy farm animals and Llamas! Llamas!!! Who the fuck sells Llamas? Country Junction that's who. You can actually buy a stuffed grizzly bear in there. A real grizzly bear that's had all the taxidermy work done! It's $15,000.00 but they have all kinds of animals like that on display with the price tags right on them. I had to buy a gate to put up on the front deck so Stinky doesn't fall down the stairs when she's running around. While I was there I figured, hey, 4th of July in a few days....let me grab some fireworks. Now anyone that knows me also knows I am a total fucking pyro. Always have been always will be. So you can bet your ass I ain't lying when I tell you I may have gone a bit overboard on the fireworks. I spent about $350.00 on 2 shopping carts full of them. Fireworks always reduce me to a blubbering child saying, "Oooh I want that and that and that..." Oh well, what can I do about it? It's an illness!

Anyway, so now you know. That's what I will be doing for my 4 days off. I am also sure nobody gives a Llama's ass! Oh and I am going to get some mountain biking in tonight too. Here's a pic from my last adventure:



And tomorrow I will have them home safe and sound:



Talk to you next week. TOODLES!