Big Goings On....

Well not really anything big going on.

I am on a mission. I have been hearing all the talk on the radio and TV news like we always do this time of year....about how stores say "Happy Holidays" and "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas". Well I am raising the bullshit flag all the way up this year. I got my ears open and am going to immediately attack any well-wisher that treads around saying "Merry Christmas". I am happy that Wal-Mart is going back to saying Merry Christmas and it is a direct result of how much business they lost last year for being a bunch of vaginas and not saying it.

When the fuck did Christmas become a crime? It is a centuries-old tradition that is celebrated throughout much of the world. Much like Hannukah or Channukah (how the fuck you spell that?!?!) is. If a Jewish person says to me, "Happy Hannukah" I don't get all hot and bothered. I just say "You too man". You know what I hate? When someone fabricates a holiday like Kwanzaa (which was "made up" in 1967) and demands the same credentials be given it as something like Christmas or Hannuka!!!! Take your fake holidays and stick it!

Speaking of holidays and observances....my favorite is coming up next month....Hajj!!! That's right..when all those fucking savages head to Mecca for their pilgrimage to walk around a rock a bunch of times and trample over each other. Last year somewhere around 350 of them died. I was in Germany at the time and was subjected to BBC and CNN Europe news reports where news anchors were almost crying about the terrible tragedy. The Hajj itself is all proof you need about how fucking mindless and savage these people are.

On to more cheery things because hey, I am a cheerful guy. Last night while I was watching "Things That Make you Go Hmmm: The Life and Times of C&C Music Factory" my dog started barking like a maniacal fucker! So I go out on the porch in my socks and boxer shorts and there's a coon running around!! No not a black person you racist bastards!!! A RACOON! This thing was enourmous....as big as a man!!! Well, not quite but it was pretty fucking big. I have no doubt he was trying to get to my garbage cans but they were empty anyway and he ran off into the woods. Man, scared the piss out of me. Funny thing is...that's the 2nd run-in I have had with the local wildlife in the last week! Over the weekend I went out to the shed to get some wood because I wanted to build a fire and there's a skunk standing there next to the shed. So I backed WAY up and started tossing rocks at it....not hard. I didn't want to hurt it but I just wanted him to run away. He did and everything worked out okay.

My cat is really starting to drive me fucking crazy with its 'Cattitude'. She laid down next to me on the couch yesterday facing away from me with her little BUNGHOLE looking right at me. Unlike most cats that lay the fuck down and put their tail down ours keeps it up in the air. She only does it to me. So I picked her up and moved her to the other end of the couch and positioned her so the asshole was pointed away from me. Yep, she got up and kept moving closer and aiming her pooper right at me. This is bullshit man.

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn split up!!! WTF man?!?! That gorgeous piece of ass...what I wouldn't do to get with that!!! Oh yeah, and Jennifer Aniston is hot too!!!

Anyway, I have a meeting to prepare for. Hope everyone has a great 'hump' day. TOODLES!