Excuse me ma'am....but I speak jive
Yo jive turkey...what it is? You know I have been told several times--in writing and verbally--over the last few days that "Vinny....you're not right" or "Vinny...you're such a fucking weirdo" or "Vinny...you're a freak". Well why is that? Why do people have such a skewed perception of who I am? I am a very sensitive person. Often I am accused of tomfoolery, skullduggery and removing random articles of clothing in public places without a moment's notice and putting others in embarrasing situations. Yes, it is a flaw in my personality that I just do not get embarrassed and sometimes maybe I should consider that although I do not, others do and I should be more considerate of their feelings too. After all I have purposely gone out of my way many times to walk in front of an unsuspecting victim in the store or mall or various other places and stop and do a big fart right in front of them. Many times I do this when friends and/or family are around. I always get a priceless reaction from said victims which, to me, makes it all worth it. But there I go again, not considering the feelings of others.
So you may be asking "okay Vinny, got it but why do I give a fuck?" Good question! Well in light of all of this I am going to try and make more of an effort to be considerate of those around me and act more grown up. Truth be told, I don't think I will be very successful at this because being an ass-wipe is totally my nature and the temptation to just blow someone's mind is always too much for me. I feel bad though sometimes like an incident not that long ago....my wife and I were in a McDonalds and made our order.......well the people that ordered their shit after me started getting their stuff and I was still waiting.....and waiting....and waiting. Well I finally got pissed off and flew off the handle. I screamed really loud "Manager!!!! Where's the manager?!?!?!" So she finally came up front and I said "Hey....where the fuck is my quarter pounder with cheese? I didn't order a goddamn souffle....I ordered a quarter pounder!!!!" So instead of being apologetic or anything the bitch cops an attitude with me. Bad move because I just had to embarrass her then. I gave her the "You couldn't manage your way out of a wet paper bag you stupid fuck......why the hell do you think you're at McDonalds?!?!?!" After she broke down crying and I got my food we left. Of course afterwards I felt TERRIBLE! Not for the minion working in McDonalds but for my wife. She was really embarrassed by my McD's rage. She got over it very quickly becuase she's accustomed to my antics but I still felt bad and everytime I think about that story I feel bad for putting her in that position.
So there you have it....Vinny is turning over a new leaf. Probably won't last more than 20 minutes but I am gonna give it a shot....I will let you know how it goes. TOODLES!
posted by P-Nut @ 10:14 AM
5 Comments:
Okay, so I have no idea if you are serious or not but......
I think you are a freak and that's why I like you. I too am difficult to embarrass and have found myself feeling like crawling under a rock at times when I've been around your crazy behavior.
The McDonalds thing is taking it a bit too far.
No need to change your crazy ways but maybe you could try to do things that only embarrass you with out hurting others. I've had some pretty crappy low rate jobs and if somebody had made fun of me in front of others I would have been really embarrassed and probably hurt.
Just my 2 cents......
I still love your crazy ass.
Oh come on Liza!! When have you been embarrassed by me?!?! I doubt it! Anyway, yeah I am serious about trying but I am also serious that it probably will not happen. I admit you're right....the McDonalds thing was too much....but I couldn't help it after the ball bag copped an attitude for something that was THEIR fault....not mine. But thanks for your 2 cents...you're the best baby!
FYI: They probably spit in your quarter pounder and you deserved it.
Here's my 2 cents on your behavior:
If you changed your behavior (which is genetically impossible, by the way) then I would have no new stories to tell my friends and they would get bored of me telling the old ones. Even the "skin the cat" or "Is this f-ing Kabul?" stories would get old after a while (not to me of course). As long as noone gets hurt or ends up in jail, everything's cool!!
Nah they didn't spit on it because I was watching those hairnet-wearing, shifty, beady-eyed bastards.
Well red, I'll be down in a few weeks so you're sure to have new stories to tell all your buddies. Damn, am I gonna happen to meet any of these buddies you've told these stories to? I might get embarrassed by that! HAHAHAHA
Embarrassed, yeah right! Ok, I'll just spit on some of your food while your here for those McDonald's workers then.
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