Clap this!

I have a question.....I thought of this for no particular reason....it just kind of popped into my head but does anyone remember ever flying on an airplane or going to a movie in the theater and when you land in the plane or the movie is over everyone claps?!?! What in the fuck of a goat ass is that all about?!?! Who are you clapping to? I've never been in the cockpit of an airplane when it landed but I have a sneaking suspicion that when the pilots land and hear people clapping they're not saying, "Wow...how rewarding when we complete a trip and touch down safely to hear the enamored passengers cheer wildly. They must really love us."

I would bet money that the conversation goes more like, "Whew....for fuck's sake that was a tricky one with the cross winds...those stupid fuckers have no idea what they're clapping about....what a bunch of fucking zeros. Now let's get out of this germ-farm and go to the bar."

In the movies I think it's more of a sociological abortion gone wrong in that people identify and side with the hero or good guy of the film. Then when he kills the bad guy or whatever....everyone goes mad like they personally had something to do with it. Like if you didn't show up to the movie and sit on your dead-ass for 2 hours there may have been a different ending but by showing up you actually helped save the day!!! Or at the end of the movie people clap I guess to acknowledge that it was a good movie. Nobody hears you except for the other assholes clapping! Or after a one-liner people go nuts at the cleverness of the line or what have you. I remember as a little kid that when I saw Rocky in the movies....when I left that theater I could kick anybody's ass. When I saw Star Wars, Empire and Jedi in the movies I had "The Force" upon leaving the theater and tried for many hours to levitate cars in the parking lot and other random objects and use the Jedi mind trick on people....to no avail. Yeah I got all caught up in the hoopla but then again I was 3,4,5,6,7,8 years old!

I have not been to the movies since "Shallow Hal". Nobody clapped or cheered during that because Hal ended up with the hog! Plus the sight of George Costanza having a "nub" tail-like appendage was enough to get everyone nauseus! I refuse to go to the fucking movies anymore. People are fucking idiotic assholes with no common sense and no courtesy. Looking like fucking retards with their big baggy pants, cell phones ringing, talking out loud, etc. Do I think I am better than most people? Bet your fucking ass I do.

When I fly...I like to wait until mid-flight when everyone else is sleeping and then just start clapping and cheering loudly for no good reason. When someone asks what I am doing I say, "Well, I like to sleep through the landing so I am just getting my cheering out now so I can go to sleep." Do I think I am better than most people? Fucking A I do. Do I acknowledge that I am a huge asshole.......yep.