My Underwear Have Poop Stains!!

.....Don't yours?!?!?!

So last night my wife had to go with her band to a radio station up in Scranton. They played some songs which are going to be aired on the radio in a "live studio session" sometime in May. They're also going to televise it on the local TV station which is cool. Well the shitty thing is she didn't get home until 3 am this morning because the studio didn't get things started until 11pm and they had to do a couple of their songs a few times to get it just right and so on. So I woke up when she came home and now I am tired too...but at least I slept from 9pm until 3am and then from 4:30 to 6am and she barely got any sleep at all.

My drums came yesterday!!!!!!!! WooHoooo!!!!!!!!!!! Man I ripped them fucking boxes open and put that thing together. I almost had a boner I was so happy. Anyway I have everything in my car right now because I am bringing them to my band's practice room after work to keep them there and we have practice tonight. So that should be fun!

Only 6 days and we leave for NC. I can't wait...that's gonna be a lot of fun. Hey red is there anything you need us to bring other than my sexy, supple, milky-white ass? Let me know. Anyway everyone at work is in a big panic because I will be away on leave in NC and then from 15-20 April I will be away on business in Alexandria, VA. They're flipping out because the programs I run are very high visibility type stuff and I always deal with people in the program offices and pentagon, etc. All these bigwigs. Well now in my absence the people here are going to have to do that for me. Not a big deal considering I laid everything out for them with spreadsheets, slides, charts, etc. All they have to do is read what I wrote but whatever.....I think they're just upset that they're going to have to do something now. Lazy bastards!!!

Jeez, 2 days ago it got up to 73 degrees up here in the poconos....this morning I went out to my car and it was 25!!! WTF?!?!?! Well it's been up in at least the 50s every day so I cannot complain too much I guess. Dude I think I got the sauce this morning. Too much coffee. I am gonna have to go and drop some root soon.

Oh and for the 1.5 hours I went back to bed this morning I had the most fucked up dreams I have had in a loooooong time. It was kind of re-living some stuff I've been through and experienced....like I was in Germany and I deployed to Bosnia and seen some wacky and horrible shit. But then some of it was totally weird and things that never happened like while in Bosnia I got bit by a cow and my foot got ran over by a horse-drawn cart. Don't know what it is supposed to mean....probably nothing. I don't get all wrapped up like some of these wackos that dreams HAVE to mean something. No they don't. I sit around awake thinking of stupid, goofy, off the wall shit nobody else would ever think of for no good reason.....so I guess if I do it when I am awake then I can certainly do it when I am asleep right? Anyway I just thought I would mention it because it caught me off guard. I haven't had "Army Dreams" in quite some time. Usually when I do they're bad and not very happy but I don't mind it or anything.....it was something I did and went through so no big deal. I liked the army it was just kind of unfortunate that some of the circumstances in my life back then were affected negatively by bad timing and things like that. But enough of all that jazz....I am a civilian now. I am in very little danger of being shot at if I go somewhere (though I am still armed), I am stable and don't have to move every 2 or 3 years and I make about 5 times more money now than I did as an Army Captian with about 1/1000th of the responsibility. God bless those men and women in uniform doing what they do....they certainly aren't in it for the money.

Clap this!

I have a question.....I thought of this for no particular reason....it just kind of popped into my head but does anyone remember ever flying on an airplane or going to a movie in the theater and when you land in the plane or the movie is over everyone claps?!?! What in the fuck of a goat ass is that all about?!?! Who are you clapping to? I've never been in the cockpit of an airplane when it landed but I have a sneaking suspicion that when the pilots land and hear people clapping they're not saying, "Wow...how rewarding when we complete a trip and touch down safely to hear the enamored passengers cheer wildly. They must really love us."

I would bet money that the conversation goes more like, "Whew....for fuck's sake that was a tricky one with the cross winds...those stupid fuckers have no idea what they're clapping about....what a bunch of fucking zeros. Now let's get out of this germ-farm and go to the bar."

In the movies I think it's more of a sociological abortion gone wrong in that people identify and side with the hero or good guy of the film. Then when he kills the bad guy or whatever....everyone goes mad like they personally had something to do with it. Like if you didn't show up to the movie and sit on your dead-ass for 2 hours there may have been a different ending but by showing up you actually helped save the day!!! Or at the end of the movie people clap I guess to acknowledge that it was a good movie. Nobody hears you except for the other assholes clapping! Or after a one-liner people go nuts at the cleverness of the line or what have you. I remember as a little kid that when I saw Rocky in the movies....when I left that theater I could kick anybody's ass. When I saw Star Wars, Empire and Jedi in the movies I had "The Force" upon leaving the theater and tried for many hours to levitate cars in the parking lot and other random objects and use the Jedi mind trick on people....to no avail. Yeah I got all caught up in the hoopla but then again I was 3,4,5,6,7,8 years old!

I have not been to the movies since "Shallow Hal". Nobody clapped or cheered during that because Hal ended up with the hog! Plus the sight of George Costanza having a "nub" tail-like appendage was enough to get everyone nauseus! I refuse to go to the fucking movies anymore. People are fucking idiotic assholes with no common sense and no courtesy. Looking like fucking retards with their big baggy pants, cell phones ringing, talking out loud, etc. Do I think I am better than most people? Bet your fucking ass I do.

When I fly...I like to wait until mid-flight when everyone else is sleeping and then just start clapping and cheering loudly for no good reason. When someone asks what I am doing I say, "Well, I like to sleep through the landing so I am just getting my cheering out now so I can go to sleep." Do I think I am better than most people? Fucking A I do. Do I acknowledge that I am a huge asshole.......yep.

Yeah Okay

So it's been a week since I blogged....kiss my ass if you don't like it. Kiss my lilly white bunghole!!!

So what's new? Hmmmm....the liberal Congress killed a bunch more men and women by passing their feeble bill to establish a deadline to leave Iraq. Hmmmm I am not too sure but I haven't heard too awful much about the fact that they couldn't garner enough support to pass the bill without lacing it with $20 billion in taxpayer money for other liberals' pet projects like rebuilding rubber plants and aid to spinach farmers. All of a sudden at our expense (yours and mine) they had enough support for the bill. Though be it $20 billion more expense. Thank GOD for the power of the veto. The troops must be really thrilled to read and hear about all these liberal pieces of shit in Congress and how they support the troops while they want to give our enemies a firm date to declare victory on the great Satan.....America! I would personally love to see every one of these self-serving, coward pices of shit be shot in the back of the head and left on a roadside somewhere. Too extreme? I don't think so. You don't like it? Then don't read my blog.

I am getting really excited about our trip to NC....9 days until we leave. I am not sure Sanford, NC knows what they're in for.

Things are going well at work. Staying busy I guess. I also ordered an acoutic drum set and cymbals, etc since I am now in a band again. Now I will have my electric set at home to practice on and my acoustic set in our band's practice room for practicing and playing live on. Feels nice to be in a band again....I missed it a lot. The other cool thing is that we play all original songs. Not that I mind cover bands too much....they have their place and I have been in a couple, but I am a big fan of the whole process behind writing music. So now the wife and I are both in bands and having fun with it. Funny thing is I don't like her band's music and she don't like my band's music hahaha.

Golf season is approaching quickly. I went and bought about 6 dozen golf balls over the weekend. Hmmmm that'll probably last me about 36 holes the way I lose balls. I cannot fucking wait until that first tee shot, the smell of the fresh cut grass, the birds chirping, me throwing my clubs across the fairway when I hit a shitty shot (yes I really do this), cursing everyone and their mother when I miss a short putt. But hey, I love it!

Boating season is also rapidly approaching. My dock is all paid for, my new battery has been installed and I am waiting on the lake to open for the season. Can't wait for that either.

Dude I have way too many fucking hobbies. Golf, boating, mountain biking, music, hiking, pulling on it, bathing in raw seafood.....I mean who the fuck has time for it all???

Samantha is doing great these days. She's talking like a maniac and saying all kinds of funny stuff. She has me laughing my ass off all day long which is no easy task. She also LOVES music and likes to sing. I play guitar for her all the time while my wife sings to her and she sits there with a big smile on her face the whole time. She's the best audience I could ever play for.

Well that's about it....it's 65 degrees and sunny outside right now so I am gonna go walk around outside like a nomad during lunch and see what I can get into. TOODLES!!!

Nice Beaver

Hey baby nice beaver!! Yeah you!

Holy ass balls! Well we got hit with about 16 inches of snow on Friday and Saturday. Let me tell you, that was a lot of fun. Good times, good times. Well it's starting to melt now and it's supposed to be in the 50s to 60s all week and this weekend. Do I think any of you give a fuck? Nope. Just idle chatter.

Now on to a more controversial issue....the piercing of ones genitalia. Nah just kidding. Although I have no idea why someone would do that. I also don't know why anyone would get a tattoo but many people have them so there must be something appealing about it.

I am going after work tonight to meet some guys in a band and play drums with them for a while and see how it goes. There's also another band I am supposed to meet later in the week or on the weekend. I am tired of not playing in a band anymore. Although right now I only have an electronic drum set at home to practice on I have an acoustic kit, cymbals, etc ready to order at the click of a button should I find a band to play for. I have no idea how I am going to my golfing, boating, music and general shenanigans into my schedule by I am flexible--like a 12 year old gymnast! On top of that (not the 12 year old gymnast) my wife has practice with her band 2-3 times a week. But one of us is always there with Stinky and she comes before everything else obviously so at least our priorities are straight.

Work is going well. I have been very busy lately and will continue to be really busy for a while. We're also looking forward to our trip to NC in 2 weeks. That will be a lot of fun.

Well that's about all that is going on. When something happens or an issue pops up I will write more. Until then....don't get any on you.

Excuse me ma'am....but I speak jive

Yo jive turkey...what it is? You know I have been told several times--in writing and verbally--over the last few days that "Vinny....you're not right" or "Vinny...you're such a fucking weirdo" or "Vinny...you're a freak". Well why is that? Why do people have such a skewed perception of who I am? I am a very sensitive person. Often I am accused of tomfoolery, skullduggery and removing random articles of clothing in public places without a moment's notice and putting others in embarrasing situations. Yes, it is a flaw in my personality that I just do not get embarrassed and sometimes maybe I should consider that although I do not, others do and I should be more considerate of their feelings too. After all I have purposely gone out of my way many times to walk in front of an unsuspecting victim in the store or mall or various other places and stop and do a big fart right in front of them. Many times I do this when friends and/or family are around. I always get a priceless reaction from said victims which, to me, makes it all worth it. But there I go again, not considering the feelings of others.

So you may be asking "okay Vinny, got it but why do I give a fuck?" Good question! Well in light of all of this I am going to try and make more of an effort to be considerate of those around me and act more grown up. Truth be told, I don't think I will be very successful at this because being an ass-wipe is totally my nature and the temptation to just blow someone's mind is always too much for me. I feel bad though sometimes like an incident not that long ago....my wife and I were in a McDonalds and made our order.......well the people that ordered their shit after me started getting their stuff and I was still waiting.....and waiting....and waiting. Well I finally got pissed off and flew off the handle. I screamed really loud "Manager!!!! Where's the manager?!?!?!" So she finally came up front and I said "Hey....where the fuck is my quarter pounder with cheese? I didn't order a goddamn souffle....I ordered a quarter pounder!!!!" So instead of being apologetic or anything the bitch cops an attitude with me. Bad move because I just had to embarrass her then. I gave her the "You couldn't manage your way out of a wet paper bag you stupid fuck......why the hell do you think you're at McDonalds?!?!?!" After she broke down crying and I got my food we left. Of course afterwards I felt TERRIBLE! Not for the minion working in McDonalds but for my wife. She was really embarrassed by my McD's rage. She got over it very quickly becuase she's accustomed to my antics but I still felt bad and everytime I think about that story I feel bad for putting her in that position.

So there you have it....Vinny is turning over a new leaf. Probably won't last more than 20 minutes but I am gonna give it a shot....I will let you know how it goes. TOODLES!

As a child.....

You know back a looooong time ago when I was but a young lad growing up in the rough and tumble streets of rural New York I learned a lot of things about life, about myself, about love and about squeezing watermelon seeds between my toes. So go life's lessons. They teach us modesty, humility, virginity and how to thumb wrestle with your own flaccid penis. Is it any coincidence that "manipulate my nipples" rhymes with "capitulate my ripples"??? Many times when I would look at the school's lunch menu I would feel empty inside and an overwhelming urge to pick up the taco meat with my own bare hands and massage it into my supple, milky-white buttocks....only my pants were in the way. Often times I would sit alone in a dark corner of my room and re-play "Turning Japanese" over and over again on my 45rpm record player. I would pull my eyes back on their corners and pretend I was Japanese or a Malaysian samurai. Instead of a sword I would wildly swing my member's only jacket through the air. I would strip down to the nude and mix ketchup with stool and paint my body in the tribal war paint of my ancestors and do a little dance. I would chant things like, "muffins should be buttered" and "what's areola mean?" Friends would often accuse me of plagiarism and tomfoolery but that's okay. I knew they were jealous.

Yes, life teaches us many lessons. What lessons do you remember from your childhood?

Liberal Hypocrisy...again...and again....and again

Of Hate-Speech and Hypocrisy
By Patrick Goodenough
CNSNews.com
Managing EditorMarch 09, 2007(Contains language that may be offensive to some readers.)

(CNSNews.com) - The left-wing Daily Kos blog has been driving a campaign to have companies pull ads from Ann Coulter's website after the conservative author used a slur in a recent speech, but leftist websites -- including Daily Kos -- have themselves used the offending word in the past.

Daily Kos postings have included the word "faggot" at least three times in recent years, as have other liberal blogs -- without apology, and without generating a furor.

During a characteristically caustic speech at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) last Friday, Coulter said, "I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I ... can't really talk about Edwards."

The outcry was not long in coming, with the Human Rights Campaign, which advocates for homosexual rights, issuing a statement calling her use of the term "vile and disgusting" and the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) saying it was "vile and unacceptable."

It was soon reported that at least three companies had pulled advertising from Coulter's site, following postings on Daily Kos in which target companies were identified and their contact information provided."

Ann Coulter's latest bigoted and hateful diatribe has justifiably evoked rage and disgust throughout the progressive community," a Daily Kos blogger going by the name of "VolvoDrivingLiberal" wrote two days after the speech."

One of the best ways to communicate one's distaste for Coulter's repeated incidents of hate speech is to respectfully but firmly let her advertisers know you are deeply troubled by their indirect support of bigotry through their advertising on Coulter's website," the blogger wrote. "A list of Coulter's advertisers with contact information is detailed below."

(Posting again on Daily Kos on Thursday, "VolvoDrivingLiberal" boasted that "the progressive community achieved significant success this week in persuading corporate and organizational advertisers to pull ads on anncoulter.com." The blogger urged readers to turn their attention to one last major target advertising on Coulter's site, Amazon.com.)

Taking flak from liberals, and from many fellow conservatives, Coulter argued that she had been aiming at political correctness, not slurring homosexuals. (Last January, Grey's Anatomy actor Isaiah Washington used the derogatory word at the Golden Globe awards. Amid an ensuing fuss, he released a statement saying he was seeking counseling.)"

It's a schoolyard taunt," an unapologetic Coulter told broadcaster Sean Hannity on Tuesday. "It means ... wussy."However the term may be interpreted, Coulter is not alone in using it.

Daily Kos itself has not shied away from the word. Nor has it removed postings that use it. Examples include:
a headline reading: "Democrats and the faggot problem."
a headline asking: "Who invited the little faggot?"
a headline reading: "When is a faggot just a bundle of sticks?" (That posting goes on to ask, "What's up with the little sly gay jokes? Hmm? As I read the comments in discussions on DKos, there are times when I almost have to check and see if I accidentally stumbled into a Wingnut [right-wing] blog.")

Other left-wing websites have also seen usage of what's being called the new f-word:
Pam Spaulding of the blog Pam's House Blend wrote a headline including the phrase "caving to the faggot juggernaut" -- in reference to a comment by Fred Phelps, the controversial leader of a small religious group that uses the epithet frequently in its campaigning.

Indymedia, a left-wing activist site, carried an Oct. 2006 rant under the headline, "Bush is a closet faggot."


A posting on the Firedoglake blog that pokes fun at Christian leaders found to have been involved in homosexual relationships: "I have been spending my time since the election attempting to hone my knowledge of the Radical Gay Agenda in hopes of infiltrating the Christianist chuch [sic] and bringing it down from within. But it looks like the sad, sick, repressed faggots that run the place are saving me the trouble."


Blogger Melissa McEwan, on her site Shakespeare's Sister, used the line -- in reference to Leonardo da Vinci -- "I'm not so sure it's such a good idea for students to be studying that faggot anyway."


Another contributor to the Shakespeare's Sister site, "Paul the Spud," wrote in a Dec. 2006 posting, "We can't make it work, so why should you be allowed to, faggot? Quit getting so uppity!" (He was putting words into the mouth of an advocate against same-sex marriage.)Ironically, McEwan of Shakespeare's Sister is one of two bloggers who worked briefly for the Edwards 2008 campaign but resigned last month amid criticism of provocative postings about Christianity on their sites.

The other erstwhile Edwards blogger, Amanda Marcotte, carried a posting ( warning: vile content ) by another blogger -- Spaulding, again -- on her Pandagon site, using the word "faggoty" in reference to Jesus.Bloggers aren't the only liberals to use the slur.In 2003, Howard Dean's campaign manager was reported to have written a letter to the presidential campaign of fellow Democrat and rival Dick Gephardt, complaining that a member of the Gephardt team had called a Dean staffer a "faggot."

Homosexual-rights groups employ a double standard too, it appears.

In its response to Coulter's remarks last Friday, GLAAD not only slammed the author but accused CPAC itself of promoting "discriminatory policies," and GLAAD president Neil Giuliano called on media organizations -- NBC News in particular -- to stop offering Coulter a platform.

Three years ago, however, GLAAD took a rather different approach when rapper 50 Cent told Playboy magazine, "I ain't into faggots ... We refer to gay people as faggots, as homos. It could be disrespectful, but that's the facts."In that instance, GLAAD responded with a polite -- almost respectful -- press release expressing "concern" about the comments, and inviting 50 Cent to attend GLAAD's annual media awards.

And no, there was no suggestion that anyone stop giving the platinum-selling New York "gangsta" a platform.

Holy Snow Balls Batman!!!

So I just read that February was colder than average. It was the 34th coldest month in the last 113 years or something like that. Where's all the fucking hype and hoopla? Where's all the environmental alarmist fucking RETARDS?!?! Idiots. Somebody just answer me, what was the cause of the earth's warming after the last ice age? Was it SUVs? Was it coal-burning power plants? Hmmmmm....strange. Must have been those goddamn wooly-mammoths and all their farting right?

Hey it's Friday!!! We're going out to watch some band play tonight. Should be pretty fun.

My buddy Dan is leaving to go and work in China for a year. So hey Dan we talked about the stuff they like to eat in China: hippo ass, giraffe hooves and chicken feet. Well a while back I posted another Chink delicacy.......see the photos below!!

Now THOSE are some tasty treats. Anyway Dan we'll miss you and hope you have fun in China hanging out with all those dirty slanty-eyed communist fuckers.

LATER!

Midgets have small butt cracks

That's a fact! Hey I have a question....do any of you have people coming around where you work selling candy bars for their kids and all sorts of other bullshit? How come nobody abides by the "no solicitation" rules? Not only do the peddle this shit but it costs a fortune. $2.00 for a fucking chocolate bar?!?!?! One woman I work with asked me if I wanted to buy candy for her grand daughter. I was like, "How much". She tells me $2.00!!! I told her I could go to the machine in the hallway and get 4 of them for that price and no I wasn't buying anything. I don't even like chocolate!

Speaking of candy and sweets.....how come the boy scouts don't sell cookies? Do the girl scouts have some kind of scout copyright on the practice of selling cookies? The boy scouts are losing out on a shit load of revenue by not selling cookies.

Well it's Thursday....my favorite show--the Office--is on tonight. Can't wait....I hope it is not a repeat. While we're on TV I am really glad I decided to stop watching American Idol. I heard the contestants sucked this year compared to past years. So Tuesday night I was channel surfing and watched about 10 minutes of it and boy were they right....it sucked donkey ass.

In God We Trust was "accidentally" left off some newly minted coins. Do you really think this was an accident?

Libs are in an uproar because Ann Coulter referred to John Edwards as a "faggot" in an interview. You know....I am not saying that is good or anything because anyone with some common sense should know that by doing so they're going to be attacked and ridiculed for it....especially a public personality. However, where is the outrage that democratic Sen Byrd from W VA was an acknowledged member of the Ku Klux Klan? Where's the fucking outrage?

I am going to be in Alexandria, VA from 15 through 20 April for work. NICE! Should be an awesome week. Anyone want to meet me there and hang out for the week?!?!?! BRING IT ON!!!!

Anyway that's it for now. I have to go poop. Talk to you later. TOODLES!

I have a great ass

Well at least I think so!

I am sitting here at work freezing my nuts off! It's about 20 below outside with the windchill and not much damn warmer inside. I have been on a lot of military and government installations all over the world and let me tell you....as big and mighty as our government is....they still can't figure out the fucking heating systems anywhere! Man I got some serious shrinkage going on.

Getting excited about our family trip down to NC in April. Should be lots of fun a) seeing our friends b) playing golf and doing some other cool stuff c) getting the fuck out of PA for a little while!!!! Hey Red do I need to bring any costumes or should I leave them at home????

Hey I was reading an article that was saying women will now win the same prize money at Wimbledon as the men do. I think that's a crock of shit to be honest with you. Why? Men play best of 5 set matches and women play best of 3. This means that over the course of a 2 week tournament such as Wimbledon a male tennis player can play as many as 21 or more sets of tennis than a woman....not counting tie breakers, etc. These sets can last in excess of an hour. So you're looking at potentially a whole day more of tennis that the male player plays. First of all....the women's champion was only getting about $200,000 less than the men's champion. $1.4 million vs $1.2 million. So the women were not really getting robbed. I have played tennis and it's very demanding physically. 3 sets is a FAR CRY from 5 sets. I think the discrepancy in pay was indicative of the amount of exertion and exhaustion the different genders endure. Now I am sure you women will fly off the handle at my opion here but that's fine. I am a big, grown, hairless, shaved, ample and milky-white boy....I can take it!!!

Well that's it for now....I got a real bad case of the swamp ass right now and may have to sprint to the bathroom any minute. Anywhere near me is not a good place for anyone to be today. I must have done about 78 nasty farts already this morning. UGH. Well I will write more later on or tomorrow. TOODLES.

Manipulate my nipples!!!

So hey hope everyone had a great weekend. Funny....I started reading the news this morning on various web sites and now I see this big thing about how all these climatologists and meteorologists are coming out of the woodwork about what a fucking sham global warming is. What happened to Al Gore's "unanimous consensus" that ALL scientists agree that global warming is real and is a problem. Just more evidence of what fucking retards these people are.

I had this big incident over the weekend. You know those pillsbury biscuits you buy in the metal and cardboard cans? You know....you have to peel the label back and then it pops open and you remove the dough and bake it? Well I am fucking PETRIFIED of those things. I mean I HATE them....I never want to open them. If we're gonna have biscuits for dinner I will make my wife open the can. I had an incident a while back which is why I am afraid. Well, over the weekend I had the hankering for some biscuits and I was the only one home. That's right.....Vinny was home alone! Well there I was faced with a quandry of what the fuck am I supposed to do now? So I downed a couple rum & cokes to dull the fear. I got the biscuit dough out and started to SLOWLY unpeel the fucker. Well when I got to a certain point where it should have opened I stopped. My heart was frigging RACING! I didn't know what to do....I was stuck and afraid to go any further. So I climbed up the stairs to my loft which overlooks the living room. I carefully lined up the can so that if I dropped it straight down it would hit the corner of the coffee table downstairs and pop open while I was still far away from it. So I lined it up, dropped it and fucking BOOM! You'd a thought a fucking bomb went off. The dough just fucking took off in this colossal explosion of goo. The living room windows, the carpet, the TV, the dog, EVERYTHING had dough on it. Well, I didn't end up having any biscuits and I had a whole lot of cleaning to do. Moral of the story? Don't get the urge for biscuits unless my wife is home!

There will never be.....

another March 2, 2007 again...ever! Fascinating isn't it?

I don't have too much to say today really. I was out sick yesterday and am a little behind on the news and other items.

Man, I really felt like butt yesterday. I still don't feel very good but yesterday I was super BAD. With all the Ny-Quil and Day-Quil and stuff I am really very loopy. Moreso than usual even!

Anyway, just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a good weekend. I'll talk to you some more next week. TOODLES.