There's something about Vinny....

and I am still trying to figure out what! Don't you hate when people throw around words to try and sound smart or sophisticated and totally misuse the word? I heard it yesterday when someone was letting a co-worker know that come Monday it wouldn't matter because it would be a mute point. That's right....not a moot point but a MUTE point.

I gotta tell ya...I fucking hate cats! Yes I know I have one but I only have it because my daughter wanted one so bad. Truth be told our cat is pretty good....never took a dump or pee on the floor, leaves things alone (usually) but what's with the fucking attitude? That's right...attitude. The cat walks around with its tail up in the air all the time giving everyone a permanent glimpse of its tiny little cat-asshole. It's like the cat is saying, "Hey asshole, look at my asshole!" So last night I took some of the rope that I braided myself with my feet in my "arts and crafts for the physically challenged" class and tied its tail to its leg so it cannot put the tail up in the air and tell me to look at its asshole anymore. Okay so not really but that's what I feel like doing. Oh and I am not really physically challenged...mentally maybe but not physically.

So what's stopping me from throwing my hard-earned money into the Salvation Army's bell-ringing contribution pot? A few things:

1) I don't trust the motherfucker in the Santa suit ringing that annoying fucking bell! He's the same dude you'll see on your way out of the mall curled up on the curb with an empty 40 ouncer of Schlitz or Colt 45.

2) What's with the tri-pod mounted money can? Can't they have a normal jar or can that you put money in? How fucking obnoxious is that can dangling there from steel chains hanging from a gigantic red metal tripod?!?!

3) The annoying fucking bell....period!

I generally do not give ANY money to charities that have anything to do with people. That's because I hate most people and firmly believe that somehow, some way my money will end up in someone's hands I don't want to have it (i.e. drug addict, lazy fucker who doesn't try to find a job, unwed mother of 9 already living off of my tax money, etc). Instead I give money to animal charities. Only local ones that I research and know are legitimate. Here in northeast PA we have Save-A-Dog. They go around taking dogs in that are about to be destroyed and place them in homes. I give $$$ to them. The only other charity I give to is Sean Hannity's charity that pays for the college education of children who have lost a parent or parents to the war on terror. SO I am not ENTIRELY a cruel and uncaring asshole like I might come off as. I have also sent letters to soldiers serving in Iraq and Afghanistan and have been known to pick up the occasional tab in a restaurant anonymously. There you go...I really am nice now bite me!

Ever hear that X-mas song, "Christmas is coming the goose is getting fat....."? What the fuck is a haypenny??!?! I guess I could google it but them Jap bastards over at google got enough money. Oh wait, they're not Japs.

Who in the fuck of the planet signed Macy Gray to a record deal?! How off key and out of tune can you be?!?! I am the self-proclaimed "Worst Singer in the World" but she'd give me a run for my money with her big ol' afro!

I downloaded 3 songs from iTunes last night. "Starlight" by Muse and 2 Smiths songs. Then I went through my iPod to see if there was anything I wanted to get rid of or move into a different playlist and I realized, I have some really wacky shit on my iPod. I am only up to 140 songs but DAMN, weird shit. That's okay, most of them were free or I wouldn't have nearly that many.

I think I might need glasses soon. I have been told I look good wearing glasses so I don't really mind. No way you're getting me to stick one of them fucking lenses in my eye though.

They're opening an ABBA museum in Sweden. It's about fucking time! We should have one here in the good ol' USA also! Those 4 uber-talented supple Swedish dishes harmonized their way into our hearts with hits like "Dancing Queen" and "Waterloo". Why should they not be recognized? After all they were the icons of Swede-Rock and led millions down the path to righteousness and bowl cuts. They made the bowl cut hip like Billy Ray Cyrus did for the mullet. And hows about the clever name ABBA: did you know it is spelled the same way forward and backward?

That's all for now. I have to go and get some coffee and drop some root in the little boys' room. I hope it is a one-wiper!!!

Back to work people!!!

Okay all the Thanksgiving hoopla is over and we can all settle down and get back to work. I had a great time up at my parents' house and seeing my brother and his family. It was not without some family drama mixed in but overall a good time and great food. So now it will be my turn at X-mas. I will be having a German style X-mas eve and then an American style X-mas day with Turkey and Ham and all that stuff. The family will be down for it so it should be fun. Plus I won't have to get up at the ass crack of dawn and load up the truck with all of our presents and haul everything up to my folks' house.

We went to Great Wolf Lodge indoor waterpark yesterday and it was a blast. That place is amazing!!!! Stinky was like a little waterbug and from 11am until 5pm she was out of the water for only about 30-45 minutes. Her mommy and I were TIRED from chasing her around all day. Her favorite was the wave pool. She liked walking out into the waves and letting them knock her over. I took her on some water slides with me also and she loved that as well.

Now it is back to reality....work. That's just fine with me though. This weekend my wife's half-sister and her fiancee are coming to stay with us. I met them over Thanksgiving....after my parents' house we drove a little further upstate in NY and stayed with them. Had a lot of fun. So this weekend should be a good time. Then the following weekend I have my work Christmas party which is always fun and the weekend after that is another X-mas party we're invited to. So I am booked out until after Christmas. Oh well.

Other than all that there's nothing new going on. Lots of buying presents, wrapping and waiting. Be talking to you.

Hey Gwen you SUCK!

Hey, does anyone know what happened to Gwen Stefani? I was watching Standoff and House last night and at some point I flipped to the Grammy's and there was Gwen Stefani bellowing out some horrid excuse for a song. Of course she looked hot as balls but come on! WTF is with her solo stuff man? She was awesome with No Doubt now she sucks a giant moose ass!

I can't sit there and watch an awards show though. Especially when it's a music show...actually, I did watch most of the CMAs (to see Martina McBride and Sara Evans). But the grammys is mostly talentless (i.e. pusscat dolls, Jay-Z and other rap/hip hop "artists"). No I am not bashing them because I don't like their music. I hate jazz and blues and folk but at least they're talented musicians. Rap and hip hop or whatever the fuck they call it these days is pretty fucking talentless. Computer generated beats that a circus monkey could do, and mish mashing words together to try and rhyme. Get the fuck outta here!

Anyway, just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to hogging all the turkey skin so I can rub it around on my supple, milky white man genitalia. No but seriously, have fun and be safe!

I like eating at diners...

...however, this post has NOTHING to do with that fact. Rep. Charlie Rangel D-NY has called, several times over the last year, for the U.S. to reinstate the draft for our armed forces. At first I was outraged! I was thinking, "WTF is this prick talking about?!?!" However, now that I have had some time to think about it I am wondering if it is such a bad thing. I don't agree that we just need a draft....but I think we should develop a program much like the one used in Germany.

In Germany, all youths between the ages of 17 and 20 (or in that range somewhere) are required by German law to participate in either military service or civil service. Their civil service could be working for the local ambulance, fire, police, postal or other municipal agency. They serve a period of 2 years in either a military or civil capacity and at the end of 2 years they can elect to stay on board should they choose.

You know, I am a realist and all I see walking around these days are kids in that age range who are disrespectful, fucking stupid looking (baggy pants falling down types) and are just plain fucking stupid. Maybe requiring these morons to give some sort of contribution to society would help. I am personally sick of hearing about how or why the government should support these dead-end fuckers rather than hold people accountable for contributing something. I am sick of the excuses and I am tired of hearing these useless fucks try and play victims. You want some kind of sympathy from me for these kids? You ain't gonna get it. Like Vince Lombardi said, "There are a thousand reasons for failure....but not a single excuse".

I don't understand why people are so fucking against making people accountable. You don't want to contribute and find a job? Sleep on the fucking street then but you're not going to get any help. And please, oh please, never say, "but I can't find a job". BULLSHIT! The only reason people cannot find a job is because they don't look. There's ALWAYS someone hiring. May not be great or even decent pay but it is something to build from.

So maybe we should begin some kind of societal accountability like this. It might just be a good thing.

Hair nets and hodowns!

Okay I have to bring this up even though it might piss some of you off or ruffle some feathers but I am talking about X-mas chauvenism. "Vinny, wtf are you talking about now?" Well lemme tell ya. I like to kill time by surfing the sites of some of our finest capitalistic providers during the holiday season in search of gifts for people. You know the places, target, best buy, wal-marts, sears, etc. I get on their sites and proceed to look under each and every category for men, women and children to see what kind of new and interesting things are out there I could buy! Well lately I have noticed a trend that some might find disturbing....keep in mind that I DO NOT find it disturbing because I don't let such things rattle me.

Most sites have all of their categories like appliances, toys, clothing, furniture, tools, electronics, etc, etc, etc. Well on most sites now you can also find categories like "hot gifts for him" and "hot gifts for her". Come on you've all seen these right? Well, when I click on "hot gifts for him" a bunch of cool shit pops up like plasma TVs, golf clubs, reindeer knick knacks that poop chocolate candies when you push on their tail and a bunch of other wacky and fun stuff. However, **dramatic pause** when I click on "hot gifts for her" I get things like: pots and pans, vacuum cleaners, oven mitts, breast pumps (whatever the fuck that is) and food processors.

WOW! Now I understand that these quick "hot gifts" links are based solely on stereotyping, traditional gender roles, and the current demographics (I think). But talk about taking it to the extreme?!?!?! As far as I know, you ladies enjoy your iPods and gadgets as much as most guys do right? I know several ladies who are always in the market for a good deal on golf clubs too! Admittedly I don't know ANY women who find the reindeer thing charming and totally awesome like I do but that's just an exception.

So I am curious to hear any female thoughts on this subject. Are you okay with it? Does it piss you off? Should we all rise up and take the fight to the man?!?! Oh sorry, I got all fired up and carried away there for a minute. Anyway, feel free to chime in on this societal injustice.

Mmmm....a tasy treat!

So listen, I developed this new recipe based on the age-old favorite "flapjacks". I like to call them Crapjacks:

1) Mix powered pancake mix according to instructions on box
2) Add assorted droppings of small rodents to the batter
3) pour batter onto griddle in small circles (you can also make fun shapes)
4) flip when brown on one side and brown the other side

Mmmm I made these over the weekend. They're a tasty delight that the whole family can enjoy!

Speaking of crap....I went like 3.5 days without pooping then all of a sudden I have done about 5 poops over the last 2 days! I did a poop last night before going into the shower and I didn't flush because I was afraid the flush might mess with the water temperature of the shower. Well after I got out of the shower I still forgot to flush. Boy did I get an earful for that!

I am going bowling tomorrow....all by myself. I haven't been in a while. My wife is having some German friends over for the afternoon so rather than listen to them cackle in German I am gonna put on my chef costume and go to the bowling alley. I got my own ball and shoes so I have to remember to bring them so I don't have to wear the stank bowling alley shoes. Those days are over. I also don't have to use bowling balls that are covered in cheetos crumbs and ass lint from all the kids and people that use them. I have this personal tradition of mine where if I ever get a turkey (3 strikes in a row) I have to drop down on the floor and do the worm. It has only happened one or two times because I suck ass at bowling but damn it is fun! I also cannot go bowling anymore dressed normally, I have to wear a costume. Or sometimes I just wear pajamas. Hey Liza J, remember the chef outfit I wore in NC bowling? That's the one I am wearing tomorrow!

Anyway, no other big plans for the weekend. If I get a chance I wouldn't mind filling my underwear with raw squid and sitting down and dragging myself across the floor on my ass. But I am not sure I will have the time.

Asscrack is a warm place...

...and mine has been quiet lately. We're going on day 4 now with no dookie! No poop. No stool. No ass meatloaf. Oh well, I will keep drinking coffee and keep my fingers crossed.

I stopped on my way home yesterday and bought a few more X-mas presents. I am outta fucking control and need to stop. They were very small and inexpensive things but I still need to get control of myself....it's not even Thanksgiving yet!!!

I got home last night and the house looked like a blind retard went on a rampage through it. There was stuff EVERYWHERE! My wife had her little "playgroup" over in the afternoon with their kids and the collective monsoon destroyed the house. Nah, it wasn't that bad. She says there's this one mother who always whips her boobs out and breast feeds her kid right in front of everyone! I gotta sit in on one of these things and check that out.

I am putting the investment property on the back burner for now. Every time I find something with good numbers something falls through whether it is a zoning hearing or some other administrative BS. So I am gonna wait on it and look again after the houseing market drops off a little more.

Although I don't watch too much TV I am happy that my 2 favorite shows are on tonight: My Name is Earl and The Office. So I will plant my happy ass on the couch and watch and laugh my ass off as usual.

Thanksgiving is in one week! Then comes black Friday....the busiest shopping day of the year. What in the fuck could posess someone to go to ANY store on the Friday after Thanksgiving?!?! 2 years ago I took my wife to NYC for our anniversary on black Friday because we had reservations for the Rainbow Room restaurant and tickets to a broadway show for that night. Well she made me take her to Macy's and holy fuck! You could not move in that place. Since then I have vowed never to leave the house on black Friday and I have held true to that. The only thing getting me outta my house on that day is a fire or a hot naked chick running around outside calling my name...and we all know that ain't gonna happen.

I know it is the holidays and a happy time of year for me in general but there are some things that I hate this time of year: no golf, no boat, impending blizzards, listening to the same ass spelunkers that complained about the heat a couple months ago complain about how cold it is.

Anyway, I am gonna go now. Since I am putting off buying my investment property I am gonna check out that hovercraft I had my eye on for a while now.

Chef Boy My Dee

So I thought I was done X-mas shopping and BAM...I order more stuff. WTF?!?! I keep seeing stuff that my wife or daughter would love and I buy it. I have to start exercising some discipline. I ordered a DVD player with 2 screens for my wife's car. This was if we go on long trips Stinky can watch her Disney movies and stuff. And if we take my car we can easily move the DVD system into there.

I haven't pooped in 3 days! That sucks. I am downing coffee this morning like it's going out of style because sometimes that does the job but not so far.

Work continues to go well. I've been super busy for a change so the days have been flying by. Things are getting ready to start slacking off. The holidays are here...hunting season....pretty soon the depot will be like a ghost town.

We are looking forward to Thanksgiving a lot. I also took the Monday after Thanksgiving off. Me, wife and daughter are going to the indoor water park for the day. Should be a blast. Samantha LOVES the water.

Hey Barbara Boxer wants to hold extensive Senate hearings on global warming. Great, more of my money being thrown away on junk science. Not for nothing but I have to say it and if I offend anyone then I am sorry but: if you buy this global warming bullshit, I really feel for you. Anyone who has done more than 20 minutes of research on it and does not have an agenda to promote it can easily see that all of the so-called evidence is a bunch of bullshit. Not to mention the evidence against it. Like I said previously, I could provide evidence and make a case for the aboninable snowman living in your fucking back yard if I wanted to.

I gave myself a haircut over the weekend. You know I have not paid for a hair cut since 1997 or 98?!?! Think of all the money I have saved.

I need new tires on my Tucson. Good thing I get free tires for the life of the vehicle! YEAH!!!! I have to make an appointment today.

Let's see what else? I have a Delphi Roady XT satellite radio in my car. They have these little sticky adhesive things to secure it to the dashboard and mine fell off. So I got on their web site to buy another adhesive thingy. Turns out they don't sell them...you'd have to buy the whole car kit! So I sent them an e mail and they replied back that they're gonna send me a dozen of them for free which should last me a long long time. So here's my plug: Delphi has great products and excellent customer service.

Speaking of car audio--whatever happened to the days of mix tapes? I know we have iPods and all that crazy shit nowadays. But damn, nothing compares to a good mix tape. You know that one you got hiding in your closet with the best hits from Kajagoogoo and Flock of Seagulls? You spin me round round baby! Like a record baby. Or hows about the one with everyone's favorite hits from "It's a Hall & Oates Christmas" and Rick Springfield? Yeah I know iPods and mp3s are convenient but nothing beats that scratchy sound of an old dusty mix tape, slightly warped from sun exposure from sitting on the dashboard.

It's been a while

Since my last post. I had visitors in at work and they finally went home!!! Jesus, I don't know how some people get their jobs because they truly suck.

So the republicans got their asses beat in the elections eh? Well, can't say I am surprised. However, bookmark this page as an "I told you so" because it is happening already. What's happening? Here's a quick rundown:

1) Dems are already pushing to raise taxes immediately.

2) Dems are already pushing to pull out of Iraq. Not stressing what we can do to change direction and win the war but to just pull out. This should not be surprising since they do not know what the word "win" means when it comes to a military action.

3) Nancy Pelosi is endorsing Rep. John "The military sucks" Murtha as house majority leader.

4) Dems are REALLY pushing to bestow habeas corpus rights on known and suspected terrorists.

This is a short list and doesn't include facts like how Hezbollah and Al-Qaeda informally endorsed democratic candidates through the US. It also doesn't mention the fact that the democrats placed the first ever muslim reprentative in congress. But I suppose he's one of the peaceful ones right?

Well, don't say I didn't tell you so. Now we can all sit back and watch the deterioration of a nation. Thank GOD for the power of the veto.

In other news I finished all my X-mas shopping. I never left the house for it. I ordered everything through upromise.com because I have them linked to Stinky's college fund. So everything you buy online through there, you get a percentage of it contributed to the college fund. As usual I went a bit overboard on the presents....I always have. My wife and Stinky are gonna have tons of stuff. There's nothing I really want so I am anxious to see what I get. I have received most of the stuff already and it is all wrapped and under the tree. There are still a few more things I am waiting on. I asked my parents also to just send money to Stinky's college fund instead of buying her anything. But I am sure they'll still buy her something even though I told them not to. Jeez, Samantha's gonna be sitting pretty when it comes time to go to college. That's good, she won't have to worry about paying back loans. Anyway, I am gonna shop online every year...I hate people and I hate lines so I won't have to go to the stores during X-mas season. Hooooray!

In Honor of Those Who Serve

As we all know this Friday is the observation of Veterans Day. As a veteran myself, this day holds a special place with me. The best and most awe-inspiring people I have ever met are those with whom I've had the priveledge of leading and serving with. I stumbled across the following article looking around the West Point Alumni page. It is about the taps vigil we had back in 1995 for 2 West Pointers that graduated the academy in 1994 and died in U.S. Army Ranger School in the swamp phase in Florida. I knew both of those guys. They succumbed to hypothermia and by the time they could get a medevac chopper in to evacuate them they were dead. A taps vigil is something that happens only at West Point and is something VERY few people ever get to see. It is usually only reserved for the Corps of Cadets and the families of the deceased and takes place at 11:30 pm as the bugler plays Taps for the evening. The article was written by a guy who graduated the academy a long time ago in 1960 before they had Taps vigils. I participated in 6 taps vigils while at West Point and I remember every one of them as though it was yesterday. That type of comraderie and dedication is something you cannot find anywhere other than in your brothers and sisters in arms...not just at the academy but throughout all branches of the military. That is why these heroes will always hold a special place in my heart.

"In the middle of winter .. in the dead of night ... A single cadet emerged from the Normandy sally port and silently crossed the concrete apron, stopping inches from the snow which still covered the Plain. He stared northward into the frigid blackness, past Battle Monument and on up the Hudson Valley. He stood at Parade Rest, bracing himself against the biting wind that bore down the river, picked up speed through the narrow weir formed by Storm King Mountain and Constitution Island, slowing as it crested Trophy Point, and finally picking up speed again as it raced across the Plain.

A few seconds later, another cadet stepped forth from the Corregidor sally port to the West, crossed the apron and took up an eastward vigil. Soon others, from plebes to First Captain, followed by ones and twos. The numbers of cadets staring out over the Plain began to accumulate gradually, like snowflakes during the first minutes of a storm, until they were standing more than ten deep from MacArthur Monument at one end of the barracks to Eisenhower Monument at the other.

Except for the few who were away on leave or official business, virtually the entire Corps of Cadets were present, and, despite the bitter cold, they were dressed in Dress Gray, the most traditional of cadet daily wear. There were no overcoats or parkas to keep them warm. They were not here to be comfortable. They were here to pay tribute to two of their own, Spencer Dodge and Curt Sansoucie, recent graduates who had themselves succumbed to the cold while in training for the profession of arms which these cadets would enter in the near future.

I stood with a small group of alumni in the shadows by the main door of Washington Hall. The First Captain had invited us to attend this special remembrance. We had no idea just how deeply each of us would be touched.

The outpouring of gray from the sally ports stopped as if on command. There was no rush of stragglers trying to beat the sound of Assembly, as there might be for a parade. This was a strictly voluntary formation, and they were not about to be late.

At precisely 2330 hours, the first crisp note of "Taps" cut through the darkness from a trumpet somewhere to the east. The cadets came to Attention and Present Arms without sound or signal, yet with a precision equal to the daytime crispness of a full dress parade. As the first three notes began to fade, a second trumpet, farther away, sounded the echo known as "Silver Taps." As the last notes rose into the night sky, the cadets returned to Order Arms with the same silent precision as before.

A group of about thirty cadets stood apart from the rest at the foot of the steps of Washington Hall. From their midst, there arose a soft hum that grew into the full, rich harmonies of the Alma Mater. In a single motion, all heads were bared in homage. At the third verse the volume rose with the phrase, "And when our work is done, our course on earth is run, may it be said, 'WELL DONE!' " The last two words were clipped off abruptly, sending another echo into the night sky before concluding softly, "Be though at peace." The final strains drifted over the Hudson.

Once again, silence fell over the apron for a brief moment until yet another sound came out of the darkness at the center of the Plain. A shrill, discordant wail rose as the drones of a bagpipe were pumped into action. The moment and the melody matched perfectly as the plaintive cry of "Amazing Grace" rang out through the night, first by just a single piper, then again with four pipes, as if to underscore the loss that was felt by all those assembled. The refrain was repeated one last time by a solitary piper as a universal air to bear two souls to heaven.

The silence returned, and the gray clad figures seemingly evaporated back through the sally ports. A few lingered, standing with heads bowed. One cadet knelt in prayer for his departed brothers. Finally, they too drifted away, and, as the scene returned to total stillness, we were awestruck by what had just taken place: a simple stark ceremony that spoke volumes about the bond among West Pointers and the sense of loss when members of the Long Gray Line are taken before their time. The cadet farewell is surely one of the most poignant, meaningful ceremonies held at West Point. I felt immensely privileged to have been there for it. Thank God it isn't repeated often."

Frederick C. Rice '60(May 1995, Assembly)

In a nutsack....I mean nutshell

Had a great weekend. I did a bunch more X-mas shopping....mostly for Stinky. She's gonna get all kinds of shit on X-mas. I just have a few things to get for my wife and I will be done! NICE!!!

Election day tomorrow....I am predicting that republicans will hold the majority in both houses. God help all of us if Nancy Pelosi becomes the next speaker of the house. We'll see what happens but one thing is for sure....I bet the recounts and lawsuits are gonna be fucking ridiculous.

I have visitors in town again at work....for 2 fucking weeks!!! JEEZ man what the hell did I do to deserve this?!!?!?

I hung some X-mas lights inside my house over the weekend. I know it is entirely too early but 1) I want to go a little at a time until it is done so starting early was necessary and 2) most importantly, Stinky loves X-mas lights. So I put them up and now she looks at them and ooohs and aaahs about them. Now that I have her X-mas is so much more fun. I have always liked X-mas but now it's unbelievable getting to see how excited she gets and seeing her face when she opens one of her presents. She's daddy's little girl and I love every minute of it!

We're going up to my parents' house for Thanksgiving. It's gonna be really crowded there because they're having a bunch of family over. Should be a good time though. My brother from FL will be there and I haven't seen him in ages so I am looking forward to that.

On Saturday morning I took Stinky and we went to the bank. I had a check for $20,791.65 I had to deposit into my savings account. That's the most money I ever held in my hand (even though it wasn't actual money) and I was shitting my pants nervous until I handed it over to the banker to deposit. The shitty thing is that I can't spend any of it because it's for my down payment for the apartment building :(

That's about it for now. I can't wait until Friday because it is a holiday and I will be off. 3 day weekend baby!!!! I am going to spend it doing stuff around the house as I will be all alone because Stinky and her mommy are gonna be up in NY at a baby shower. So it will be a good time for me to turn all the lights out in the house and sit in the corner naked and rub piss clams all over my assy nipples and beat myself over the head senseless with raw carrots and celery sticks.

Chock full o' ASS!!!!

Howdy, it's Friday....always a good thing.

1) A bus driver, I think in Washington State, was fired for flipping off the President as he drove by in his motorcade. There was a field trip for school children to park along the motorcade route in their bus and watch the motorcade....well as it drove by the bus driver flipped off the President. One the Washington's Senators or Congressmen who were riding with the Presidet took note and reported the incident and she was fired. Good. Way to be a positive role model and set an example you stupid bitch.

2) I haven't shit in like 3 days. WTF is going on here?!?!?!

3) I now have Samantha counting to 15 and she knows about the first 10 letters of the alphabet. I am not sure what the norm is but seems pretty good to me for a 21 month old. Gimme a year and I'll have her doing trigonometry and differential equations.

4) I have a 3 foot long pepperoni stick sitting on my desk at work right now. Seriously! One of the guys I work with has a buddy that owns an Italian Pork store and we get them really cheap...$6.00!!! It's only 8:55 am and I have already held the pepperoni down by my crotch like a penis and cracked jokes about 6 times already. It's gonna be a long day!

5) I have to leave work early today because I have an oil change/tire rotation appointment.

6) I left work early yesterday because my company had some VPs and such fly up from HQ for a quarterly meeting. We met for an hour and then got drinks and dinner on the company's tab.

7) Someone sent me a thing about a job opening making $20,000.00 a month. The only bad thing was that the position is in Iraq for 4-12 months. I deleted it.

8) Good news!!!! John Kerry will never win his party's nomination again to run for President in 2008!!!! More good news...Hilary is the leading candidate!!!!

9) Thanksgiving is only 20 days away. The holidays are rapidly approaching. I still have to figure out where the fuck I am gonna put my Christmas tree!!! I am gonna have to re-arrange some things. Maybe I'll just do like Frank Costanza and set up an aluminum pole and have Festivus this year. "I got a lotta problems with you people!!!!"

10) The markets are at all time highs and unemployment is the lowest it's been in 5 years. Hey, how come the President doesn't get any credit for any of this? Lower taxes generating more money in people's pockets.....people spending more thus stimulating markets and creating jobs. It works people....it fucking works. Where's the credit on CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNBC, MSNBC for the Presidnet on this?!?!?!?! Where is it?!?!?! I don't see any!!!

11) 4 days until election day and I still haven't heard an idea from a democratic candidate. All I hear is "Bush is bad", "War is bad", "Republicans are evil", "I don't like Bush". What they should be saying are ideas of what they're going to do to improve things...or they should be saying "Yes I am a hypocrite by saying I support the troops and then doing everything in my power to undermine their Commander-in-Chief and call him all the bad names I can think of". Fucking liberal pices of shit dude. And yes I am predicting they will lose.

12) Little known fact: At my family gatherings most of the men there are packing heat.

A Letter to Jon Carry

I am not sure I got the name right because I was a U.S. Army Officer and I ain't not be too edumacated. Here's a letter to John Kerry written by a good friend who I served with in Germany....although I did not write it, it is eerily similar to the one I did write and send that worthless piece of fuck-stick:

Senator Kerry,

Thank you for your 4-months of service in Vietnam. That act, however, is the last thing that you have ever done for the U.S. Military. Your record since has included the defamation of your compatriots, a close friendship with Hanoi Jane, and one of the most anti-military voting records in history, including votes against the Abrams tank, the Bradley Fighting vehicle, and the Stealth Fighter and Bomber, the equipment that gave the U.S. the technological advantage in the last decade. You then opted to vote for the war in Iraq, but against the support package necessary to fight that war. I cannot imagine a greater disregard for our troops than to send them to war without the ability to wage that war.

It would be hard to top all that, but you managed to by making the following statement regarding education: “If you make the most of it and you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq.” Mr. Kerry, we expect ridiculous comments from actors, actresses, and country music bands. These people have no responsibilities and their lives are completely focused on our amusement, so their spoken absurdities matter not. But you, sir, are a United States Senator. Your voice is one of leadership. Your opinions affect the nation. Your judgment affects the men and women in uniform who risk their lives every day for our safety. Soldiers and Marines are dying every day. They are being injured every day. The fact that you have the audacity to make such a statement is appalling. It’s embarrassing.

Don’t you remember how hard your men trained for you? Don’t you remember the complexity of the operations you were engaged in? Can’t you appreciate that we have 19-year-olds out there balancing being soldiers, policemen, diplomats, and public servants, all the while wondering if they are going to be attacked by some terrorist asshole and that even under all of that stress, they’re doing one hell of a job?

Their selflessness and poise should impress you. They don’t, however, because you are a craven, self-serving bastard who always felt you were better than the men around you, as opposed to feeling the honor of being chosen by your nation to lead the best our country has to offer into battle. This is not about politics, but rather about you - a man with sub-par credentials and an unacceptable lack of character once again showing your true colors. Even your “apology” was an embarrassment, insincere as it was and permeated with your clear belief that you are superior to those around you. You deserve to lose your seat in the Senate. You deserve to be held accountable for your actions. You deserve to get your high-brow, candy ass kicked.

You have been called a flip-flopper in the past. I want to make clear that I absolutely disagree on that count – you have hated the American Soldier for well over 30 years.