Fridays are Good

I like Fridays. They are good. I hate Mondays. They are bad. Wow look at that, 4 complete sentences in 12 words. What a wordsmith!

Anyway Al Gore says that cigarrette smoking is a significant contributor to global warming. Okay first of all, there's no such fucking thing as global warming and I really HAVE to question the intelligence of people who believe there is. It is flawed science. I could put forth statistics and data to show that the amount of time one spends watching I Love Lucy is directly proportional to average life-span if I wanted to. It's another liberal and media cause that they have absolutely NO FUCKING IDEA of what they're talking about. Much like nuclear energy.

Back in the 70s-80s you had Chernobyl and 3-Mile Island. Now Chernobyl was pretty fucking bad. Russian reactor design back then had all kinds of safety flaws and did not have any redundancy in its safety, control or shutdown systems. 3 Mile Island in 1979: I am still trying to figure out what all the hype is about it. Did it scare a lot of people? Yep...sure did which stinks. Coincidentally the movie "The China Syndrome" was released only 11 or 12 days before TMI. How many people died as a result of 3 Mile Island? How many of you today know anything about 3 mile island? Most people associate it with terrifying, radiation exposure, meltdown right? Well some radioactive isotopes of potassium were released into the atmosphere. How many of you realize that the same radioactive potassium isotope is found in a banana?!?! Nobody got poisoned. Exposure in the immediate area was 1 millirem. An X-Ray is at least 6 millirems. Average annual exposure to you and I is 100-125 millirems. Trust me I was a nuclear engineering major and studied this shit! Unfortunately because people in general are ignorant and the media finds a darling of a cause that sells papers and commercials the whole nuclear energy industry suffered. The cleanest and most efficient power source out there is not living anywhere near up to its potential. That's the only thing positive I will say about the French....over 90% of their power is nuclear. By the way when's the last time anyone compared numbers of death in the coal industry vs. numbers of deaths in the nuclear industry. Not even close.

Global warming is the same darling cause of the media (bunch of ignorant liberals), Hollywood (bunch of SUPER-igorant morons) and people like Al Gore. Al Fucking Gore alone should tell you it is a bunch of nonsense. Anyway I give up....if you buy all this shit then you're pretty much hopeless as far as looking at things objectively. Because if you look at global warming objectively and pay attention it is pretty fucking obvious that it is junk science. Did anyone read the report released by Senator James Inhofe, Chairman of the Senate Environment And Public Works Committe? Or CNN's story about it? It's linked on Drudge but you can see it here:

http://www.epw.senate.gov/speechitem.cfm?party=rep&id=264027

Anyway, my visitors are finally gone. Everything went well but it was a long week. That, along with having to read about the super-genius Al Gore is enough to turn my stomache. Happy weekend everyone. TOODLES.

Scrotum flavored bubble gum

So the visitors are still here UGH! Today is the last day so that's good. Golf kicked ass yesterday. I even got a free pair of foot joy golf shoes with all of the gift certificates I won throughout the season. Good deal.

muslims everywhere are still garbage smelling pieces of corn in my dog's shit. I am glad to see that Angela Merkel (the German Chancellor) is not caving in to threats of muslim shithead violence. They were going to do a Mozart opera in Berlin and one part of the opera shows muhammed's head being rolled across the stage after being decapitated or some wacky acid-induced shit like that. Anyway the opera house said they're not going to stage the opera because they're afraid of muslim violence. Angela Merkel stepped in and said we won't be swayed by their threats of violence! Now it looks like they might show it. Good. Fuck them pigs. I am so happy she won the election and that pussy-fart Gerhard Schroeder isn't their Chancellor anymore. Anyway, that's my take on things.

Well let me go and sign my visitors in through the security office and get this shit over with. Talk to you tomorrow.....TOODLES!

Oh boring days

Well my weekend was good, the family and I had fun and spent a lot of time together. Even though that twat mother nature rained both days we made the best of it. I did some more X-mas shopping and already have like 10 things for Samantha and about 5 things for my wife. I still have quite a bit of shopping left to do but I will be done by the end of October. I was also able to score a TMX Elmo because I am people who knows people baby!

So far this work week has sucked ass. I have 7 visitors here from Alabama where the program office is for the programs I run. They're here all week and I have to listen to all their stupid fucking questions that I have answered 100 times already. You know, they're the customer and should be dictating how things get done but they can never make up their mind so I do all of their thinking for them and tell them how it is going to be. I don't mind though because that way I am NEVER wrong. As long as I get done what I say I will get done I look like a freaking superstar. But it is still fucking annoying having these people malingering around and getting in my way.

Oh well, I am leaving early today to go and look at another investment property. This one looks very promising and has unbelievable numbers. I will keep my fingers crossed.

Tomorrow I will be leaving early too because I have golf. I will stash my customers in an office somewhere and give them access to a computer to check their e mails and stuff and I will leave for the golf course. When you work for the government you become VERY good at contingency planning. If you don't, you'll never get anything done. So to accomplish my goal of golfing on schedule tomorrow I have planned for such a contingency.

At any rate, time to go back to babysitting. Their lunch break is about over and I don't want them wandering around and getting picked up by security. TOODLES.

Yesterday was chicks......

Today is dudes. What the fuck is the deal with some guys? In our bathroom here at work we have 3 urinals and 5 stoolies. Now, man-law dictates that if all 3 urinals are open you go to one of the end urinals to piss. You DON'T go to the middle one. If you go in there and someone is at an end urinal, you go to the other end. The middle is the last one that should be taken. It is also acceptable to skip straight to a stall if the 2 end urinals are taken. So I just came back from the bathroom right? I went in right behind some guy and he proceeded straight to the middle urinal when all 3 were open!!! What kind of a sock puppet is this fucking guy?!?!? The only explanation for this is that he's a meat-gazer. THAT'S IT! That's the only explanation. So I had to go and piss in a stall because I didn't want the sock puppet to see my crank.

So now I am in a bad mood. Oh well, I will get over it soon enough. I saw on the news that hezbollah is having a humongous rally in Lebanon to "celebrate" their victory over Israel. Why doesn't the U.S. or Israel send a couple cruise missiles into the middle of this smelly group of fucking savages and kill every one of them?!?!?! That would put me in a better mood.

Well it's Friday, it's beautiful out and it is supposed to rain all fucking weekend...again! Mother nature is a dirty stinking whore.

Well, time to go eat lunch and goof off a bit. Hope you all have a good weekend. TOODLES!

Do Women Fart?!?!

You know, what the hell is it with women and farting? Someone please answer me!! My whole life I have grown up and gone on being harangued by the opposite sex when I float an air biscuit. Do chicks not fart?!?! My wife and I will sit on the couch and I will hear a "BBBRRRRUUUUMMMMPPPP!!!!" and be like, "What the fuck? Did you just shit?" And she'll be like, "No I think it was the dog." COME ON!!!! The dog?!?! Even my daughter Samantha is starting already....she'll squeeze one out really loud and I'll say, "EEEEEWWWWWW" and she'll look around like nothing happened. Then when I spout one off she points at me and says "EEEWWWWW". What the fuck is that all about?!?! Maybe chicks don't really fart and I am just hearing things. Or the few times I have seen a chick acknowledge that they busted ass it was supposed to be cute but when I shat it was very disgusting and uncalled for. Of course I have been known to float them in public very audibly....VERY audibly but you know what they say.....it's not good for you to hold it in. I like farting in the grocery store loud enough that they can hear it in the next aisle and then they start commenting about it. I sit there pissing myself laughing.

The space shuttle returned to Earth safely this morning....not that most people care because it didn't blow up or disintegrate and was actually successful.

Most importantly once again my beloved NY Yankees clinched the AL East title....for the 9th straight year!!! GO YANKEES!!! Also, hockey pre-season is underway.... GO RANGERS!!!!!

I am going to look at another investment property on Tuesday. It is a 4 unit apartment building. The one I have been negotiating on and made an offer for has a pending zoning hearing so I am not waiting for that to be resolved. I will continue looking in the meantime.

I have my 10 year reunion at West Point 2 weeks from tomorrow. I am extremely nervous about it. I am fired up that I will be able to see all my best friends again and hang out drinking and telling a bunch of bullshit stories. I am just nervous about going back to WP because I still feel like I am under that microscope that I lived under for four years. Anyway, we'll see how it all pans out.

Well I guess that's about it for today and hey ladies.......pull my finger, I DARE you!

Short one

No I am not referring to my penis....I have a short day today. I am leaving at about 11:30 because we have another golf tournament today. It doesn't start until 1pm but shit man, I gotta stop and get beers on the way!

Anyway, I am glad to hear that I wasn't too far off the mark writing about the muslim pieces of shit around the world....glad to hear I am not the only one who thinks the way I do.

Well, I actually have a lot to do this morning before I head off to the golf course so I have to keep this very quick. I should have more time tomorrow to come up with something creative....so be good, have a great day and we'll see ya tomorrow. TOODLES!

I LOVE Blondes

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!" "But I always buy it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist. "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her,"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant". Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container -" TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM "

Tuesday morning water cooler

So why is it that people can bash Christianity (i.e. liberal politicians, muslim clerics, etc) all day long and they're just expressing their views but when people question the muslim pieces of shit around the world they're bigots, zealots or whatever other derogatory word you want to use? Put a cartoon in the paper and the muslim filth riot in the streets. The Pope rightfully questions the muslim faith and questions their motives and he receives death threats. Does it sound like I hate muslims? You're fucking damn right I do....every one of them. Does that make me prejudiced or a bigot? Maybe it does and I don't mind saying so. I am sick of hearing how islam is so peaceful and it is only the extremists....kick my fucking white ass. I wouldn't trust one of these dirty stinking fucking dicks as far as I could throw him...or her. I have never liked them much and always had a distrust for them (because I have dealt with them and interacted with them firsthand) but now I have had it. I have been pushed over the line.

Make no mistake about it folks....we can talk about the war on terror all day long. But everyday (including today) in the headlines you have muslims at all levels--from average citizen to national cleric and politicians--calling for the destruction of Christianity and the west in general and actually declaring war!!! War on terror my ass. The fucking pussy-peddlers here in the U.S. and Europe should take a step back and look at the big picture. We're not fighting a coutry or a terrorist group....we're fighting a religion and an ideaology. When's the last time you've seen public outrage expressed by muslims at any type of act of terror?!?!?! Just because some clerics in Britain issued a fatwah against terrorism excuse me if I am not sold on their being peaceful. Any sick fuck that blows himself up in the name of his God is not representing a peacefule religion no matter what minority he belongs to! Sunnis, Shiites they're all the same to me fundamentally......pieces of shit.

Make no mistake about it....I am not a religious person. I have been to church about 6 times in my life. However, I am a realist and I realize that there are probably many decent muslims out there. But you know what? For these dirty scumbags I have lost the emotion of caring. Them, allah, muhammed, they can all blow me. Call me what you want but it is not going to take another act of terror against the west to get me to see the point. I would love to see the administration start realizing this also and start looking at our own turds (muslims) living on our soil with a microscope. That is if the liberals would take some time out from comparing the President and his administration to the Nazis....but that's unlikely to happen.

Speaking of the liberals and the upcoming elections I have yet to hear any ideas or plans as to what they'll do if elected. All I see are commercials and ads about how bad President Bush is. That's why the polls are swinging...not because the President and Republicans are doing anything new and wonderul but because people are realizing that liberals have NO IDEAS AT ALL. The only thing they seem good at is bashing republicans. No surprise there when Howard Dean is the leader of the Democratic National Committee. Democratic majority? I don't think so.

Sorry for the hostile blog today but I am personally sick of it. I don't care what names you want to call me.....doesn't bother me in the least if you do. I promise I will get off my soapbox and get back to some funnier stuff tomorrow. TOODLES!

I am back in da house

Yo whassup?!?!?! Well I am back here in NEPA. Good trip to VA. It was a busy week but a lot of fun. Me and the other guys/gals in the leadership program (there are 7 of us) all got along great and had a lot of fun....and beer. The hotel was awesome. I sat my ass in the hot tub every day and ran on the treadmills and went swimming. The only bad thing was that the food in the hotel was ridiculous.....a NY strip steak, baked potato and salad was $39.00. Needless to say I did not eat there.

Anyway, nothing too in depth to report here....just wanted to say I am back and trying to get caught up on everything. Oh the apartment building....I am looking at a different one now. It is a little less money and in a different area....the first place accepted my offer but I added a date in my offer that gives me time to check out some other places. Plus with the first one there's a zoning issue that I told them I want clarified and resolved before anything goes forward. So that's it. I am glad to be back home with my stinky (who has a cold) and wife (who has a cold). We had a good weekend and spent all of our time together.

So let me get caught back up on the news and political issues and so forth and I am sure I will have something to say. TOODLES!

Oh Busy Days

Wow, I just realized all the stuff I have going on over the next week or so. Holy shit I better get my ass in gear!!! This weekend I have to go up to the lake and take my boat out of the water for the year. I just untie it from the dock and pull it to the ramp, the marina pulls it onto the trailer and takes it away. They clean everything inside and out, flush all the fluids, shrink wrap the boat and winterize it and then store it indoors until I put it back in the water in April. Costs $1,100.00 but at least I don't have to do it. I also have to pay my dock fee for next year to reserve a spot which is another $850.00!! I have to do all of that on Saturday.

Sunday my dad is coming down and we're putting a new front and back door on my house. Not only are mine getting a little ratty but they have a draft and with winter approaching I want to save $$$ on my heating bills and don't want my stinky to get cold.

Then on Monday I have to drive down to Alexandria, VA for work. I plan on leaving around 9am and getting there at around 1pm. I will check in and sleep for a while until our formal dinner party Monday night. Yep, formal dinner party. Then Tues, Wed and Thurs are training and seminars each day. They're right in the hotel I am staying in which is convenient. I will be in the Sheraton Suites of Alexandria, VA in case anyone wants to stop by!!! Then Friday I drive home.

So I have quite a busy week coming up. I am gonna bring my mountain bike to VA though because they have all kinds of kick ass trails to bike on along the Potomac River. That'll be cool. They also have a nice pool and hot tub so I am sure I will be able to keep myself occupied. I might bring my golf clubs too. Well gotta run...more later.

Wacky Wednesday

Okay so some issues to discuss:

1) Suri Cruise a.k.a. Tom Kitten? Who gives a fuck? Looks like a mutant if you ask me with her little hair helmet....she's probably been poisoned on vitamin B from that psycho fuck. Poor kid.

2) Katie Couric....again, who gives a fuck? Another cog in the liberal media with the interviewing skills of kermit the frog. Plus, sorry Katie, but you're fucking UGLY! I have seen her in person....eeeeewwwwww. Leather face.

3) Rockstar: Supernova....okay Liza probably won't like this but here it is. I no longer like Dilana. Over the past few weeks since she revealed her attitude and true self she's been going downhill big time. Every week she says she just wants to get past what happened and move on....then she comes out on stage and talks about how this song is meaningful because of what she's going through. Quit making everything about your fucking self! Last night with the gimp routine was the last straw. I think the band has also had it with her. She was clearly....CLEARLY the weakest last night and she knew it. Goodbye Dilana.....it's been fun. Actually I don't think the band will kick her off tonight but they should. If your leg hurts, sit the fuck down and sing instead of hopping around like a drunken retard on one leg. I think Magenti should win.

4) I am going to make an offer on the apartment building today. I will let you know how it goes and what the seller says.

5) I have measured my penis every day for the last week and it's been a different size every time. Just kidding.

No Golf Today

Yep that's right I should be at the golf course right now. But that twat--mother nature--saw the need to provide yet another day of rain resulting in the postponement of the golf tournament. Where the fuck am I, London?!?!? We've had one sunny day in the last 2 fucking weeks. Unbelieveable. Anyway....how was everyone's Labor Day weekend? Mine sucked a giant cornhole. I wanted to get some stuff done around the house but with the weather I did not. Only 2 good things: 1) I got to spend tons of time with stinky which is always my favorite thing to do. 2) I went to check out the apartment building I am thinking about buying.

I was very VERY saddened over the weekend by the death of Steve Irwin....otherwise known as the Crocodile Hunter. I have all his videos and everything and LOVED the guy. The way he used to jump off his boat onto an alligator in the water....the guy was a fucking maniac! Anyway, he was stung right through the heart by a stingray while filming a documentary off the coast of Australia. You will be missed Steve Irwin.

Well, that's all for now...I guess I will just be relegated to playing my normal Wednesday afternoon golf tomorrow and see when they reschedule the Commander's Cup for. So, TOODLES!

Turkey Attack!!!

I forgot to tell you....Wednesday when I played in my weekly golf tournament I had a somewhat traumatic experience....we were waiting to tee off because the group in front of us was playing a little slow. So while we were waiting I went into the woods to take a piss. Well I was standing there taking a leak against a tree when out of nowhere a humongous flock of turkeys comes running through. I was right in the middle of it all. I was jumping out of the way and leaping around all while still peeing. Well they disappeared as quickly as the came and when it was all over I realized that I pissed all over my shoes! Well, no big deal, to me it was worth it because it was a pretty wild scene.

Well well, another Friday. We're supposed to get hit with the remnants of tropical storm Ernesto later today and overnight. I guess since the global warming retards are wrong about all the hurricanes they have to play up this tropical storm as much as possible because that's all I keep hearing about.

In other news, the "deadline" for Iran to stop enriching uranium has come and gone. As usual the U.N. is proving what a bunch of pussies they are and not doing anything about another one of their resolutions being ignored. What a shocker! Does anyone even take the U.N. seriously? I really don't think they do....anywhere. It's their own fault too...they set the precedent by allowing Iraq to blow them off for 12 years with no repercussions. What an impotent and useless organization they are.

I am going to look at the apartment building tomorrow. If all goes well I may be able to make an offer in a week or two. All the lending agreements are being pushed through and all that jazz. Just proceeding very cautiously at this point.

No big plans for the weekend....it's supposed to rain the whole fucking time. I'll tell you this, mother nature is a whore! Big time.

Whatever, I don't feel like sniveling anymore so I am gonna go now. Hope everyone has a good weekend. I won't blog again until Wednesday because Monday's a holiday and Tuesday I will be working....on the GOLF COURSE!!!!!