I got a midget under my desk!

Yeah yeah I know, they like to be called little people. They've been called midgets for a thousand fucking years so I am calling them midgets! I love midgets, they've always fascinated me. I have nothing against them and I don't run around making fun of them or anything so calm down....I just think it is remarkable how they just go on like they're the same as everyone else. Am I shallow? Yes I sure as fuck am but hey, at least I can admit it and freely talk about things that interest me....midgets. You know in Australia they have midget tossing. It's a sport they do where a bunch of big guys compete by seeing who can throw a midget the furthest. There's always a big uproar about how this is cruel and offensive yet the midgets are doing it intentionally to make money!!! They even wear safety gear. Check it out:

***This is where I was going to put the photo but this worthless fuck of a blog site will not let me paste a photo right now***

What else...no more Ryan on Rockstar. I couldn't stand him for most of the season but I admit....he improved a ton and has been great. My girl should have actually been the one sent packing because she was terrible on Tuesday night and terrible on Wednesday night too. Oh well, she's hot so I don't mind her sticking around (remember I am shallow).

The negotiations are going well on the apartment building. I am in a position now to acquire the property with absolutely no money out of my pocket. NONE! In other words, I will have tenants paying me rent which will cover the P.I.T.I. (property, interest, taxes and insurance) costs and still make a handsome profit every month. Enough to cover my current mortgage and car payments. That means I will be able to use all of that saved money as well as equity in the acquired property to purchase my next investment property because that's my plan. By next summer I am looking to have 3-4 investment properties at least. Because of all of the work I have done and had done on my own house I have several vendors lined up (plumbers, electricians, carpenters, painters, etc) to perform work for me at reduced costs on each property I acquire. So far with most of them I have been able to negotiate significant savings for their services by providing them each with an exclusivity agreement should I need their services. You may say, "Vinny it sounds like you're looking to go into this permanently and full time." Well, I am considering it once I get one or two or three or four deals through. That point will come if/when I can achieve close to my annual salary through investment properties. At that point I would switch over to it full time so I don't have to sacrifice anything as far as my lifestyle and spending habits go (which are a little ridiculous admittedly). Anyway that's where we stand. I am waiting to hear back from the seller today and my money guy as well and this weekend go and check the property and have it inspected. Then, if I am happy, I will draw up my proposed offer and serve it to the seller sometime next week.

Did you ever take a poop and go to wipe and your fingers rip through the toilet paper? Eeeewww I hate it when that happens.

Golf was great last night. We also have the Commander's Cup golf tournament on Tuesday. We have Monday off for Labor Day then Tuesday I will head to the golf course at 8am for another full paid day of golfing, prizes and free meals....all at no cost to me! Geee, thanks taxpayers. I love you guys!

Anyways, rub a dub dub I am outta here. Got some more property research to do. TOODLES!

Back to School

Well it's Labor Day weekend coming up in a few days. The unofficial end of summer right? Well along with that distinction comes the annoyance of listening to everyone grovel that 'summer's over already' and 'Wow, summer just flew by'. Well, this pisses me right the fuck off. First of all, quit fucking whining about it. We didn't just create 4 seasons a couple years ago....they've existed for a long time and everyone grew up in a culture of 4 seasons so you should be used to it now quit fucking whining. Secodnly, summer is not over until Sept 20/21st. That is the date of the autumnal equinox which marks the OFFICIAL end of summer and beginning of fall. The next thing annoying me is that I always have to hear about how "My little Bobby had to go back to school already". Yeah well nobody gives a fuck. Your kid along with miliions of other will be going back to school next week so get the fuck over it....this does not make you special or unique.

Here in northeast PA, winter is like 10 frigging months long....it's ridiculous. Anyway all winter long I have to listen to these fucking old geezers walking around talking about how they can't wait for summer and the warm weather. Then during the summer, they have the saggy balls to say, "Wow, this weather is way too hot." These people are rim-jobs, pure and simple.

Anyway that's my vent for the day. Rockstar was awesome last night. Only 1 performance I didn't like.....my girl Storm. I think she's gone this week. She started off strong but has been shitty the last few weeks. I thought everyone else did a great job.

My negotiations are moving along well for my apartment building I am trying to buy. Let me tell you....there's a lot involved in buying an investment property....a lot more so than buying a home to live in. The seller is proving to be most flexible with financing options and I may be able to acquire this property with no down payment....even though I would still like to put one down for the equity. The great thing? No real estate broker or agent=no commissions. Sure there's the title insurance fees and my lawyer's charges but that's minimal. I will keep you posted on how this all unfolds....just in case you give a flying rat's ass.

Anyway, my pet rock just took a piss in my coffee so I have to go and clean my cup out.

Out of the loop

Wow, I have been busy. Sorry I haven't posted shit lately. Actually not much new going on. The only new thing is that I am in negotiations for buying a 4 unit apartment building. I still have some calls to make and inspections to do so there's a lot left to be done and a long way to go but it is looking good. I also called in a realtor to come and do a fair market analysis on my house. I am planning on selling it in April or May and upgrading....BIG TIME. He told me what he can safely get for my house and it is a 63% profit. I will look for a 4-5 bedroom 2-3 bathroom place with a full basement (unfinished) that is a little closer to the lake. I will be able to sink a nice downpayment into it and use the rest of the profit to put down on another rental property. I am looking at having 3-4 properties (other than my own) within a year. So that's it...that's all that is new.

How has everyone else been? I have been checking people's blogs on and off and haven't seen anything. I guess I am not the only one slacking in that department. I have been making all my reservations and stuff for my college 10 year reunion. Man what a pain in the ass. Buying football game tickets, banquet/cocktail party tickets, limo reservations, hotel rooms, parades, tailgate party reservations, etc, etc, etc. Oh well, should be a blast. I am still really nervous about going back though.

Oh and I treated myself to a new set of golf clubs. Hey big country if you're reading this I went and bought a set of Taylor Made irons, driver and 3 wood. Oh and I got a nice new bag to put them in. I figured I bought my last set some 10 years ago so it was time for a new set. I took them to the driving range and hit the ball a TON! Can't wait to play tomorrow with them.

My little stinky is doing great. She's adding a few words a day to her vocabulary. The best part is she LOVES when we read to her and is always bringing us books to read to her. Sometimes she just sits on the floor and takes a book and mumbles her way through it like she's reading it. She also runs around the house pointing at things and saying what they are in English and in German so that's pretty cool. Anyway, I think that's about it. I will try and get back on the ball with the blogging but I have been pretty busy lately. I will also be out of town in Virginia from the 11th to the 15th of September so don't expect to hear from me then. Toodles.

My bum is on your lips

Yo yo yo whassup! Not much going on here. Rockstar was pretty good last night. The guy Ryan had a pretty good original song which was cool. I didn't like Patrice's song....I think she's going this week. They got 8 contenstants left and the show ends in 3 weeks so they may have one or two shows where they kick 2 people off again.

I have my golf match tonight. Good stuff, it is supposed to be pretty nice out I think but who the hell knows since weather people cannot tell more than a few hours out.

I don't have any political/social issues to rave about today. Well I do--I ALWAYS do-- but I will keep them to myself. I will say this though...NOAA says that this hurricane season is OFFICIALLY less active than average. Therefore global warming is a fraud (if you use the alarmists' logic). They also said that glacier melt has been occurring since at least the late 1800's based on a study originated in the late 19th century in Greenland. Therefore, how can glacial melt be a result of our environmental "abuse"? Al Gore, go fuck yourself.

Sorry I haven't been too creative on my blog lately. I've actually been kinda busy since it is getting to the end of the fiscal year and there are budget drills, jockeying for more money and meetings out the wazoo going on. It's funny how all year long people spend and throw money at things like madmen and then Aug/Sept roll around and everyone is all jumpy about justifying their expenditures and whatnot. Since my program is under budget I don't have to worry about such nonsense so I am gleefully amused by those who are worrying about it.

DAMN! I gotta run....my pet rock just took a shit on my desk

Howdy Doo!

Hope everyone's weekend was good. Mine sucked...it all started with the party we went to Saturday.....one lady was there with her 3 kids that she has no business having and runied the whole thing because she has no idea how to handle them. I am no model parent but when your 5 year old daughter is running around another person's house breaking stuff and you're just saying how she's just being a kid then you need to smack the piss outta the little fucker and get your tubes tied.

Sunday they said it was supposed to rain so my dad and I canceled our boating trip....it was fucking beautiful out. All weathermen suck fucking moose dick. I'd like to shit right in their mouths.

Friday night I got a bad scare....I woke up at 4 in the morning coughing and couldn't breathe...at all. I was struggling to get any air whatsoever and it took me about 5 minutes until I was able to start breathing halfway normal again. I have had it happen a couple times since just as I am doing whatever during the day over the weekend. So I broke down and made a doctors appointment for tomorrow because that thing Friday night scared the living piss out of me. I was really close to passing out and I seriously thought that was it. It was like I forgot how to fucking breathe.

Okay now in true Vinny fashion I am going to bring up 2 controversial subjects. I will probably be scolded for it but hey, I don't care....this is my opinion and I am entitled to it. The 2 subjects are education and race....kinda in a related sense.

I'd like to ask what's the deal with education? I have 2 beefs in general: First, why are teachers and not parents/students being held accountable? Why are teachers evaluated primarily on the performance of their students? Because like everything else...it is a copout. That's why you have these stupid fucking kids walking around with their pants falling down and cannot complete one proper sentence. You know how many times I hear these fucking idiots talk to their parents or something and their parents just respond to them in a normal manner? I am not talking about a minority of students either! Until these fucking mongrols are held accountable then education will continue on its decline no matter how much money is pumped into it.

Secondly, why is it that since blacks and other minorities have lower average standardized test scores, the tests MUST be unfair and prejudiced. This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever fucking heard. Should we now include a Martin Luther King Jr section between the math and verbal to "even it out"? I took the SATs twice and the ACTs once. I did very well on all of them. However, I do not remember anything biased or prejudiced whatsoever. I also don't remember the black or latino students in my math classes or english classes getting different instruction than I did. I guess it cannot be possible at all that blacks and other minorities just score lower and it works out that way. That is IMPOSSIBLE because it would imply that maybe a particular ethnic group has some policing of its own to do and maybe has to try a little harder and be accountable for something. IMPOSSIBLE! We HAVE to find a reason for this....and like everything else let's blame racism and pull out the card once again. Don't get me wrong....there is certainly discrimination that goes on....but standardized testing is not one of these areas. Get real. Hey, I be gots a dope idea....let's be teachin' ebonics to da kidz dis way dey be talkin' real good. Den dey would be improvin' on dey verbal SAT! Let's not forget...many blacks, latinos and other minorities receive very high scores so what's the reason for that?!?! Asians score the highest! Hey white folks let's rise up and claim racism because the Asians are scoring better than us!

If you want to talk about fucking blatant discrimination and BULLSHIT one needs to look no further than affirmative action.....THAT's fucking discrimination. You mean to tell me that I, as an employer or educator, have to take someone of lesser credentials because they're black or any other color? Kiss my fucking ass. Why can't we hire or accept the best qualified? I don't care if they're all black, white, yellow, purple or green....I want to most qualified.

I know this sounds harsh and bigoted and all that stuff. I am simply tired of the double standards on the race issue. Yes there's discrimination. Even I hurl the occasion off-color ethnic remark just like many other people whether they admit it or not....okay maybe I do it more than most but I don't consider that racism or discrimination. These are acts of denying someone based on their race or origin. That is something I would not do. Let's take this beyond education for a minute:

Ask a person if they'd feel safer walking around Harlem or Beverly Hills at 2am and I bet almost all of them would say Beverly Hills. Now ask the same group of people, "would you feel safer around a bunch of white people or a bunch of black people?" What do you think they'd say? They'd probably be all offended and think you're a racist. They'd probably give an answer like, "I would feel equally safe around either group." Yeah kiss my ass. These are the same fucking hypocrites that run around crying every time a minority group pulls out the race card. Bill Cosby tells black folks to clean up their act and it is a "wake up call". If I went out and did it I'd be a "bigoted racist". Another example of hypocrisy.

I am not saying racsim or discrimination are right or okay because they're not. They're unacceptable. What I am saying is a) let's fucking hold people accountable for themselves instead of constantly blaming others and b) let's have one standard that works either way.

Well there you go. Yep, very sensitive issue but why can't I comment on or give my opinion of this? Racism works both ways and it is wrong either way.

Happy Friday!

Hey everyone happy Friday I hope you all have a great weekend. I have my annual review today at 3pm EST to find out raise/bonus, etc. Can't wait. And it better be good or I will let them know I am not happy and ask for more. Don't laugh, if you have the recommendations and positive feedback to back it up then it works. I have that cached away just in case. If my customer (U.S. Government) is under the impression that what my company gives me is not enough, they will go to my company on my behalf and pretty much demand more for me because they know if I am not happy I will probably just leave. My company will gladly yield since it is what the customer wants. Yep that's how it works here....it is a vicious cycle of which I am the beneficiary.

Well, once again we've weakened our country. Another useless bag of ass moonlighting as a federal judge declared the warrantless wire tapping being done by the NSA unconstitutional. This was a suit filed by the ACLU who would like to see our country give everything to the useless and lazy and punish those who bust their ass and are well-off as a result. That's not to say that if you're not well-off that you're useless and lazy so calm the fuck down. All this suit did was weaken the ability of our government to be proactive in finding the scumbag muslims who'd like to kill and maim innocent American citizens. You can argue the validity of the wire tapping all you want, but you cannot argue the fact that stopping it made us weaker.

I think I mentioned it already but we're going to a party tomorrow at a friend's house. But first, in the morning we're gonna get up and take stinky out to breakfast at the diner she likes. Then we're gonna go to Country Junction--the big general store I always rave about--and feed the animals in the petting zoo and just stroll around for a while. Should be fun. Then Sunday....you guessed it, I will be out on my boat again. Fuckin' A!

Well it's only 10am and I am in wind down mode for the week....it was a busy week here for me which is rare to be honest with you. So I am gonna go and dick around for a while and goof off. Then do my review at 3 and haul ass home so I can relax in the bathtub with some raw flounder fillets and ground up giraffe hooves. Toodles.

FINALLY!

Okay so my visitors are gone....chalk that one up to a 2 day waste of my fucking time. It's a long story so I won't get into it. Anyway over the weekend we went to the Carbon County Fair. Let me tell you, I could have pulled it out and pissed across the entire length of the fair it was that small. Doesn't matter though, they had animals so Samantha loved it. There was only one ride she could go on so we took her on it a few times and she had fun. I als won her a stuffed monkey throwing rolls of toilet paper through a toilet seat that was mounted on the wall. Daddy ALWAYS wins his little girl something.

Sunday my dad and I met at my dock and took the boat out. We were out on the lake from 9am until 3pm fishing and jumping off the boat and swimming. I caught 2 fish but they were small so I threw them back. It was a lot of fun though.

So in the news, cease-fire between Hezbollah and Israel. All this does is embolden the muslim pieces of shit to re-arm, re-fix and re-fuel. I keep seeing the pictures of the poor muslim pieces of SHIT and their bombed out houses and poor looks on their faces. I wish Israel would have just said, "Fuck you U.N we're gonna finish this" and killed every last one of them....since that's the only way to get rid of them for good.

Britain is getting a hard time because they're profiling airline passengers who are muslim or muslim looking for extra security steps. GOOD. We should be doing the same exact thing here. While we're tap dancing around trying to be sensitive to everyone's feelings these dicks are planning new ways to get aboard aircraft and blow them out of the sky.....and they have all the time in the world to make it happen.

I bought my plane tickets to go to Tampa, FL in October....the 20th-22nd and visit with some "college" friends of mine. Even though I will see them all at my class reunion 2 weeks before that who cares? We're always looking for excuses to get together and throw a few cold ones back and talk about how it used to be.

Rockstar Supernova was pretty good last night. I was gonna ask WTF happened to Storm but instead I am gonna ask Who in the fuck picks these stupid fucking songs the contestants have to choose from? "I Will Survive"? One of the dumbest fucking songs I ever heard and a total clash of musical genres (disco vs hard rock?!?!?). Let's see what were some others....David Bowie? Listen I don't know what all the talk is about what a "genius" David Bowie is....every song I have ever heard by him (including the so-called classics) is lacking in any fucking sense whatsoever and sucks a giant white asshole. Not to mention it has nothing to do with hard rock. The fucking Patrice chick is to the point now that she's sickening. Zayra sang one of the most beautiful songs I have heard in a while....in Spanish and I was really impressed. Yeah yeah I know the point is to show "diversity" in people being able to make shitty songs sound good but come on people....fire these fucking sack-sniffing bastards who are picking these songs.

Wow, that was a serious vent! Anyway other than all that and the fact that I am a sexy montherfucker I don't think anything else is new. We have a party to go to this Saturday and then Sunday I will be out on the boat again. Well, I'll post more spew tomorrow. Until then, may your nipples be prosperous and your nose be devoid of boogers.

Hey you silly bastards

Sorry I haven't been blogging much. Believe it or not I am actually busy at work sometimes. I have a few visitors in this week from our program office in Alabama so my time is very limited. Today is their last day though so I should be back to my usual self after today. Anyway, had a great weekend. I'll explain more tomorrow but there were county fairs, boating, swimming and fishing all mixed in there. Anyway, let's chat more tomorrow shall we? See yous later fart bags!

Here you go

Hey everyone sorry I forgot....here's your dick trick to get you through the weekend. It's the one K-Fel referred to....the one and only wristwatch:


I hope everyone has a great weekend whatever you decide to do. I know I am planning on it. Then again I usually don't plan on having a shitty weekend. I will get it all started off right tonight by rubbing myself down with lean chop meat and then plucking out my body hairs with old clam shells.

Another week, another terror plot

Well fortunately the limeys stopped the muslim scum from knocking 9 or 10 planes out of the sky over the Atlantic. I give the Brits full credit for this one....almost. Just so happens that much of their intelligence was what the U.S. shared with them through their data mining and eavesdropping operations. Where's John Kerry and Hilary Clinton? Why aren't they still out there outraged that we're violating people's rights by monitoring phone calls and e mails?

You know, I really hate to say this and thank God it didn't happen but the sad truth is that it will take an event like this--death on a large scale--to knock some fucking sense back into the American public. After 9/11 everyone talked a good game agreeing with President Bush's evil empire statement (Iran, Iraq and North Korea). Even the most distustingly liberal putz was out there talking about how America needs to be on the offensive in the war on terror. Well in true American fashion just give it some time and let complacency take hold and all things are forgotten. I disagree with a lot of what our President does and says but I am so thankful everyday that we have a leader who has more fortitude in his pinky than the entire left-side of the aisle put together. He took a stand and stayed with it. While those with lesser character swayed back and forth in the breeze of public opinion, our President stood firmly and has done the best he can to protect America. Liberals want to either repeal or reduce the effectiveness of the Patriot Act. They are outraged that the NSA monitors e mails and phone calls. They openly accuse U.S. service members of brutalizing Iraqi civilians BEFORE there's even a trial or evidence submitted (i.e. Rep. Murtha). They scream that Iraq was a mistake yet the majority of them voted for it. They scream that they were lied to about WMDs when the Senate and House intelligence committees had access to all of the same intelligence as the Bush administration and agreed that Iraq probably had WMDs (and it turns out they did, but where was that in the press???). Don't get me wrong, republicans aren't saints either but at least they take a fucking stand and want to remain vigilant in finding and killing these muslim terrorist scum. They don't want to yield to Kofi and his minions to try and negotitate with them.

There's a lot more I'd like to say but I get pretty bent out of shape when I get going because I get nauseated by all of these ignorant fucking people screaming about their rights and the same old shit every day "Bush lied soldiers died" "Bring them home" "Stop Israel's aggression" and they have no fucking clue what is going on or how things really work. Where is the muslim leadership around the world condemning this latest terror plot? How many times do we have to hear what a peaceful religion islam is? When is all the PC bullshit going to stop?

Well all I can say is thank Christ Al Gore or John Kerry are not the President, we'd be sitting at the negotiation table with these muslim pieces of shit getting our kneecaps shot out from under us.

Anyway today's Friday so I will try and cheer up. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Lilly White Bunghole Full O' Peanuts

I don't know how I come up with my blog titles so don't ask. Played golf after work yesterday. Had a great time as usual even though I did not play well at all. Who give's a rat's ass? Hanging out on the golf course with some friends and drinking beers? Doesn't matter how well you play.

Can't wait until the weekend. Saturday we're going to take stinky to the county fair so she can check out all the farm animals and go on some small rides and stuff....that's totally her bag and what she likes to do. Sunday I am meeting my dad at the lake and we're taking my boat out fishing. It's supposed to be sunny and low 80s all weekend so it should turn out okay.

Did you see that London broke up a terror plot to simultaneously detonate bombs on several London to U.S. flights? They're still trying to kill us and unfortunately too many people do not get that. It pisses me off to hear all these liberals running around blaming America for everything. Blaming President Bush for everything. Always pointing the finger. Well, I believe the Democrats will pick up some Senate and House seats this November which is unfortunate because isn't it obvious that the radical left-wing has taken over control of that party? I mean the same man they chose as their Vice-Presidential candidate only 6 years ago was just ousted from the party! For what? Because he supports our country's war effort?!?! No shit! Well when Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi are the leaders of your party you got issues. And the American people are the idiotic ones who will vote these radicals into the House and Senate.

Anyway, we all know how I feel about these worthless fucks so no need to keep rambling on. All I can say is if any of those bombs detonated on the airplanes, these liberal scumbags would be the FIRST ones screaming that President Bush didn't do enough to stop it. Yet they're the same ones who publicize classified information about our country's efforts to monitor cash flow to prevent terrorists from moving money and who scream about how we're violating everyone's civil rights with the Patriot Act. Go fuck yourself. Like Howard Dean says, "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!UGH!"

Oh and here's a link to just how environmentally conscious Al Gore is:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/opinion/editorials/2006-08-09-gore-green_x.htm

Seems he's another "do as I say and not as I do" liberal. Imagine that!

Well, that's it from me for now. Maybe I will post something later. I am not in the greatest of moods right now so if I cheer up I will talk to yous later.

Here's a good one....

Here's the first paragraph of an article published in the USA Today by another global warming genius:

"Although the measure of humans' impact on global warming isn't precisely known, scientific evidence makes it abundantly clear that human activity is the main cause of warming over the past several decades ("Heated debate," Editorial, Thursday). "

Okay what's wrong here? I'll tell you what the fuck is wrong. If humans' impact on global warming isn't precisely known as stated above, then how the FUCK can you turn around and say--in the same fucking sentence--that it's clear human activity is the MAIN cause of warming?!?!?! Another fucking Kool-Aid drinking putz who doesn't know shit about anything trying to sound intelligent with words like 'abundantly' and 'precisely' substituting for common fucking sense. What's worse is I can imagine all the fucking clones sitting around the world reading the article and nodding their heads in a collective display of assaholism!

Okay now that I vented about those Queefs I feel better. Hey check my spelling here.

I have another golf match today after work. It's supposed to be sunny and a high of 80 so that will work just nicely! You may say, "Vinny you sure do play golf an awful lot." You're goddamn right I do.

Hey big country I went to reply to your blog and it said I couldn't because I am not a team member?!?! WTF?!?! Make me a team member! What does that even mean?!?! Hey if nobody has ever seen me in my pimp outfit you can go to big country's blog and check it out. NICE! I still wear it out to the bar every now and then...usually only for special occasions.

I can't believe it is August already and before you know it we're gonna have like 40-50 degree weather up here in PA. I gotta get my narrow ass in gear and get out on my boat every chance I get before the blizzards roll in.

I have to book my hotel and everything for my trip down to Alexandria next month. That should be a good time. Hey, anyone want to come and meet up with me in Alexandria?!?! Bring it on....free hotel room.

Alright, sorry things are slow but that's about it for now....oh and here's today's wonderful dick trick:

Long Weekend

Hey how's everyone doing? I didn't post anything yesterday because I was busy playing golf all day. That was the AUSA golf tournament I blogged about last week. So let me tell you....one of the nicest, most well-maintained courses I have EVER played on. We got there at 8am, ate breakfast and had coffee. We did a big group photo and teed off at 9am. The first beers were opened promptly at 9:03am. They even had hot chicks driving around on golf carts selling beer....$1.00 each!!! Anyway, I played like ass but who the hell cares....I got paid to go spend the day drinking and golfing and friends, it does not get any better than that. They also gave us lunch and we had a dinner and prize giveaway....I was one of about 5 of the only people who did not win something. That's okay though because I never win shit!

Now it is back to work today but that's okay....should be a pretty easy week.

So we had a pretty fun weekend. Karaoke night was fun. My wife sang about 4 or 5 songs and people were coming up to her all night saying how good she did. I only sang one song: James Brown "Sex Machine". Everyone else who sang just kind of stood there looking at the monitor and singing. So when I went up there I had a coat that I carry in my car and I had my wife and my friend's wife go up on stage with me and take the coat off me like the Godfather of Soul does. Then I proceeded to make a bunch of James Brown noises and yells and crotch floss with the microphone cord and microphone stand. It was pretty fun. I am a pretty good crotch flosser.

Other than that not too much else over the weekend. Spent a lot of time playing around with Stinky. I am going to watch her tonight so wifey can go to the gym again. Then tomorrow I have my weekly golf tournament after work. Well that's it for now...I will write more later on if I get a chance.

Finally Fucking Friday!!!!

Hey it's Friday everyone! Last day of the week before the drunken, naked debauchery gets started! Oh wait, maybe that's just me? Anyway I thought I'd put some old long-lost photos up that have just been laying around.

This first one is cute. It's from a trip to the beach a few years ago. Boy I tell you, you never know what your friends are gonna do while you're passed out drunk in the sand at the beach. Good clean fun:



Here's a nice one I found from 2 years ago. I was feeling somewhat charitable and went to play the Easter Bunny at the local mall. The children? They LOVED it.



So anyways, I have always been a HUGE Hasselhoff fan. Ever since the days of Knight Rider I have admired David's incredible acting and singing skills. To hell with Yasmine Bleeth, there's only one reason I used to watch Baywatch.....Hasselhoff! Here's a poster I recently took down from my bedroom wall....I figured I am 32 years old now with a wife and kid so it may be time to move on. Look at those cute little dogs all snuggled up on David's hairy man-chest!



Here's one a friend sent me a while back from Hilary's trip to see the troops. Yeah we all know how anti-military she is....not to mention a worthless whore....so this hero from the 82nd Airborne Division, feeling pressured to shake hands with her, has the right idea to ward off the evil spirits of corruption and worthlessness...have a look! The old cross your fingers and it doesn't count routine....NICE!



This next photo I took when I brought my garbage out one night. I heard a loud rustling noise and assumed it was a racoon or homeless person rootin' around in the garbage. I'll be damned if it wasn't that goddamn chupacabra again though.



Finally, anyone who knows anything about West Point knows that cadets do not get to leave that often and are usually forced to be creative about having fun and entertaining themselves. You name it, it's been done.....potato guns, water balloon slingshots, ass races, and everyone's favorite....dick tricks. Although it is not me in the photo below...I consider myself proficient in many various dick tricks having learned with the best of them at the academy. In fact, I am considering posting a few of my own originals on Monday. Here's today's dick trick lesson...the Hamburger:



Anyways that's it for the photos. This weekend should kick ass. Nice weather, boating, fishing, swimming, stroking my johnson...er ummm nevermind! Yesterday after work I laid out on my deck and wrapped myself in saran wrap and doused myself in olive oil and watermelon seeds so I have a nice tan now. So everyone be good, have a great weekend and I will talk to you next week. TOODLES. Big Sexy---OUT!

GLOBAL WARMING AHHHHHH!!!

Here's a link to a great article about the myth of global warming. I keep seeing stories in the news about our impending doom and that this heat wave is PROOF of global warming. That's right I forgot....we never had a heat wave before. Fucking uneducated retards. Show me a scientific argument about global warming and I'll show you 10 about what bullshit it is. WARNING: It is a long article but really interesting.

http://www.ourcivilisation.com/aginatur/iceage.htm

Thirsty Thursday

Good morning everyone! It's your favorite happy, cheerful skinny Italian kid logging in! I played golf yesterday in the torturous heat! It was fun though. I played a really good round. I parred 4 holes in a row and then a birdie on a par 3. Unfortunately I had a couple bad holes with double bogeys but I was happy with my play overall. I have a new way to grip the clubs and it seems to be clicking. Now I have to gear up for Monday's big tournament.

It's still hot as a well-digger's ass up here in the northeast. Listen, I know all you southern characters will be chiming in that it's hotter down there....maybe so, but it still sucks ass with the heat!

Rockstar Supernova was pretty good last night. I am just puzzled how Zayera was not in the bottom 3?!?!?! Don't get me wrong, the chick that got the boot needed to go but she definitely was not the worst performer this week. I was impressed at how well she handled it and by her attitude. By the way what the fuck gives with Tommy Lee's whole "hatchet man" bullshit and his little gay hood with the devil horns on it. Get the fuck outta here!

You're all pretty much chicks reading this so you probably can't relate but when guys are little and in school there always comes a time when you get a spontaneous boner in class and the teacher calls on you to go to the board or something and you have to rely on an arsenal of stall tactics until your wood subsides and you can stand up. This happened to me at work yesterday. I was in a meeting and got a boner out of nowhere. Anyway the meeting ended and the boss grabbed me and said we had to run real fast to another meeting. I was like, "Dude, you're gonna have to give me a minute." He's like, "Why, you got a hard on or something?" Yep now simmer down and give me a minute. Man I was pitching some serious tentage! I know you all wanted to know that right?

I have been rehearsing at home for karaoke night this weekend. I always sing wacky stuff. Some of the stuff I have done: Spice Girls, Devo, Paul Anka, Marvin Gaye, and others. I am still trying to come up with what I want to sing this time around.

I've got to give myself a haircut soon. For the most part I have been cutting my own hair since high school--with the exception of some of my time in the army. Well my hair is pretty damn long right now and it is killing me. I was waiting to try and see how long I can let it go but I think I have reached my limit. It's gotta come off this weekend. I am thinking about just taking my clippers and hacking it all off. If anyone has any other recommendations I'd like to hear them.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I am gonna go and drink some coffee and goof around a little bit. TOODLES!

Holy Shit it's HOT!!!!

I have golf after work today....I am gonna die because it is so hot out. I usually bring 4 beers out there with me to drink while I am playing. Today I have to think about bringing water out there....or more beer....because it's gonna be a hot one. It's about 100 degrees outside right now with super-high humidity. This eats a giant ass!

I was in a meeting all morning from 8 to noon. It was our annual directorate meeting which is the usual grab-ass session of how great everyone is doing and so on. One big giant hand job. At least it was catered.

Other than that nothing much to report. My ass is dragging because it is so hot outside. Luckily I don't have to go out there much and the office is air-conditioned. This cold air feels as good as when I take off all my clothes and rub piss clams all over my assy nipples.

Rockstar Supernova was okay last night. The Magenti dude from Iceland did real good. So did Storm....damn she turns me on.

This weekend is supposed to be real nice. Sunny and low 80s I think. We're meeting my mom and dad at the zoo on Saturday and then all going back to my house. I am gonna make dinner for them and then they're going to sleep over and watch stinky for us so I can take my wife out for a nice dinner. Then we're gonna go to the karaoke bar and make fools of ourselves...well I am at least. If you've never seen me in a karaoke bar let me tell you....it is a fucking spectacle. My wife can actually sing but me? Fuhgeddaboud it. But I prance around on stage like I actually believe I am good and that I am a sexy motherfucker. I get the crowd involved and rub my ass on women's legs while they're sitting at their tables and stuff. I have actually had money stuck in my pants. Pretty damn fun though. I've never sang at this particular karaoke bar we're going to but I will this weekend for sure! Then Sunday my dad and I are gonna go out on my boat fishing and grill some burgers and stuff and spend a nice day on the lake. I will probably spend more time in the water than on the boat.

That's it in a nutshell. Wish me luck golfing!

We're back on

Okay so I told you yesterday the Labor Day thing fell through. Well we're back on now with a change in plans...it's not gonna be Labor Day but the weekend of October 20-22 for our guys' weekend. We're all flying in to Tampa, FL to stay with my buddy Gordon--he's getting married in November so we're doing an informal bachelor party. We have a tee time at the golf course for Saturday morning. Other than that we'll be hitting the beach, the pool, the strip bars and knocking back some cold ones...cool. It'll be me and 4 or 5 of my buddies I went to school with and anyone who has been around us as a group can tell you that things tend to get a little ridiculous and obnoxious. Jesus, I have a lot of traveling coming up. We'll probably go somewhere for Labor Day; September 11-15 I will be at my company HQs in Alexandria, VA; October 7-10 we'll be at my West Point reunion; then Oct 20-22 I'll be in Florida. Then the weekend of November 19th back to Tampa for Gordo's wedding! Holy crap....can you say frequent flier miles?!?! Anyway, I am pretty fired up about the trip.

This coming Monday I get to miss a day of work....and still get paid! We have the Association of the United States Army (AUSA) annual golf tournament. It's $85.00 per person but my wonderful company is flipping the bill for me. We show up at the course at 8am and play all day. We get breakfast, lunch and dinner and they give away all kinds of prizes and stuff....should be fun. It's at a real nice country club here in the Poconos. Nothing at all wrong with getting paid to play golf. I also have to play tomorrow in my weekly tournament after work. NICE!

Other than that not much new. I am staying home tonight with Stinky while my wife goes to the gym. Then I guess we'll watch Rockstar: Supernova!!! Oh and Samantha added another word to her expanding vocabulary....Cheerios!