A great article I saw that I thought I would post here:

One evening, a casualty officer and I drove down the road on our way to inform a soldier's spouse that her husband had died in Iraq. As an Army chaplain, I thought about how difficult it would be for this young mother and how empty the two children's' lives would be without their dad.

On our way to the house, the casualty officer had assured me that he would be able to deliver the sad news. But when we got to our destination, his confidence disappeared. "Chaplain," he asked, "will you pray for me?" I placed my hand on his shoulder and began to pray. I asked God to give us the strength to perform our duty. I asked God to control our thoughts and actions and comfort the household we were about to enter. When I finished, we got out of the car and with great pain did the job that we were both called to do.

Memorial Day reminds us of the soldiers who gave their lives for our country. But often we forget to also honor the families they left behind. Military chaplains guide soldiers and their families through the "Circle of Life" from births, baptisms, confirmations, marriage, illness to death. Our role is broader than a typical civilian minister's because we have to connect soldiers to God on a daily basis.

There was a time when I considered leaving the ministry. Then a friend asked me to join the military chaplaincy. It changed my life. The past year, I served as chaplain for a 600-soldier logistics battalion in Baghdad. Whoever said that "there are no atheists in the foxhole" was absolutely right. These soldiers had to deliver supplies along the most dangerous routes in Iraq. When bombs exploded, reality of war forced many to do some serious soul searching.
Countless soldiers came to talk to me about war, death and faith. They presented me with many perplexing theological questions: Is God on our side, and will he protect me from death? Will God forgive me if I kill an innocent person by mistake? Will God be angry with me for participating in this war? Exactly where do we really go when we die?

I am back home in the states now, a safe distance away from the death and war that challenge many servicemen and women in ways most people in our country will never fully understand.
This year, as we celebrate Memorial Day, we should pause as a nation from talk about high gas prices, what language our national anthem should be sung in and the latest celebrity gossip, and instead think about the men and women who continue to fight and die in places such as Iraq and Afghanistan. It is true: War is hell, freedom is expensive, death is painful and faith still matters - especially to those in the foxhole.

Capt. James Key is a chaplain in the U.S. Army at Fort Irwin, Calif.

I thought that was a great article and helps illustrate what is really important. Or at least what I think should be important. I am also donating $250.00 to Sean Hannity's Freedom Alliance. This is an organization that provides 100% college scholarships to the children of our heroic men and women who have died in uniform in the global war on terror. I personally feel I owe a great debt to these wonderful people and this is the least I can do. This is also the only charity I have ever given to that benefits people as opposed to animals. Why? I'll save that for another blog since I don't want to ruin the spirit of this one. Happy Memorial Day to everyone.

Guys with Cameras

Being a guy is really easy. Not much is expected of us from the fairer sex so we really don't have much to live up to! Well, in case you need any, here's more proof of this. Here's what you get when you have a bunch of guys goofin' around with cameras.

Thank you

I know Memorial Day is still 4 days away but I wanted to post this while I can in case I am too busy tomorrow (yeah right) or don't have a chance before I leave for Germany on Monday:

I would like to say thank you. Thank you to the soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines past, present and future. I would like to say thank you for standing your post when no one else wants to or is able. Thank you for enduring long, cold, bitter nights alone. Thank you for the freedoms you dutifully sacrifice while protecting my own. Thank you for the time you spend away from home to provide for those you hold most dearly. Thank you for your loyalty, your dedication and your service. Thank you for your toleration of those of us who are less-enlightened and do not fully understand the magnitude of your sacrifice. Thank every single one of you past, present and future. Our fathers, sons, mothers, daughters, brothers, sisters and friends you will always be in my thoughts.

Here are a couple poems I have saved through the years that I find very meaningful and appreciative.

"It is the soldier, not the reporter, Who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, Who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the organizer, Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, Who salutes the flag, Who serves beneath the flag, And whose coffin is draped by the flag, Who allows the protestor to burn the flag." - Father Dennis Edward O'Brian, USMC (often incorrectly attributed to Charles M. Province)


The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
my daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree, I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eye when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
and I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.

Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!"
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts,
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light,
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night"

"Its my duty to stand at the front of the line,
that separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red white and blue... an American flag."
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home,
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat,
I can carry the weight of killing another
or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers
who stand at the front against any and all,
to insure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone.
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
to know you remember we fought and we bled
is payment enough, and with that we will trust.
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.

-Author Unknown

Potpourri

So I got on my computer at home last night and played some slot machines on Golden Palace . com casino. I always keep a few bucks in my account on there. Anyway I'm like, "fuck it bitch" and went $5 a line and played 5 lines for $25 a spin bets. BAM $850.00 big ones on my first spin. NICE! I cashed out $800.00 and left $50.00 in my account for the next time I get bored.

Then I got on golden palace's poker site where I also always keep a few bucks. I started playing Texas hold 'em with $12.00 and left the table with $82.00. NICE! So it was a profitable night. Then I checked out the usual porn sites and pulled on it.

To be honest I only get on the gambling site about 3-4 times a year because I have never been a big gambler but I have made so much fucking money on there it's not even funny. I guarantee that over the last 2 years I have cleared at least $5,000.00 which ain't bad since I only put in $20.00 or $30.00 in my account each time at the most.

In other news, Al Gore is a hypocritical piece of shit. There's a new study out showing how much fossil fuel this guy uses up in a year compared to average citizens and even compared to the President. Then in his bogus movie about global warming, "An Inconvenient Truth" he asks the audience "Are you willing to change the way you live?" No DICKHEAD I am not, but then again I don't run around the country preaching about it like some kind of obsessed robotic fucking pole-smoker. I seriously think that losing the election to President Bush fucked him up in the head. I have a lot of sympathy for anyone who gives this ball-bag any credence whatsoever.

I am a sexy motherfucker and also very modest.

It's looking nice on Sunday for a day of boating on the lake. Water temp is still only about 60 deg F so I still won't be waterskiing. Just grilling and fishing.

This leadership program thing I got accepted for is going to be an assload of work. I better enjoy my vacation in Germany because I am gonna be going non-stop when I get home.

I will be leaving Germany the day before the world cup starts. THANK CHRIST! Last thing I want to deal with is a bunch of purple-haired dingleberries running around like the hooligans they are. How anyone can watch soccer is beyond me.....it's like sitting in the backyard and watching the grass grow. But then again a lot of people say that about watching golf and I love watching golf....FREAKY!

Speaking of golf I played yesterday. I did pretty well again and we won. Our team is 4-0.

Finally TAYLOR HICKS is our new AMERICAN IDOL!!!!! Way to go Taylor but hey Katherine, DAMN YOU'RE FINE! BooYAH!

U.N. Dynamo

--Six world powers searched for common ground Wednesday on rewarding Iran if it gives up uranium enrichment, and U.N. Secretary-General Kofi urged Tehran to "lift the cloud of uncertainty" about its nuclear program. --

Hey Kofi, enough with your half-assed metaphors and urging and pleading. Grow a set of fucking balls and do something about it. Yet another chance for the U.N. to TRY and prove that it is not a worthless group of camel-riding fucks sitting around a bunch of round tables playing grab-ass and patting each other on the back about how legitimate they are. I am tired of these donkey bastards asking the U.S. for more money and then hanging us out to dry when we call on them. Hey Kofi and the U.N. GO FUCK YOURSELF AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINK YOU SERVE ANY PURPOSE WHATSOEVER!!!!! If I was President for one day there would be no more U.N. on American soil. Then again, I will never be President for one day.

Big News

Okay it is official: I just got off the phone with HQs and I was accepted into the leadership program I interviewed for in Virginia last week. My grooming to be an executive will begin upon my return from Germany. NICE!

In other news I got the runs this morning. I've already dropped 2 kids off at the pool!

I will be punching out early from work today because I have my weekly golf tournament. We all must have our priorities. We've won 3 matches in a row and hopefully today will be the 4th. Must be all those squirrels pulling our golf balls out of the woods and back out onto the fairway!!!

Spoke with my boy Woody Sadler the other day. He's NASCAR driver Elliott Sadler's cousin and part of his race team....everything is in order for the Pocono 500 in June when I get back from Germany. Me and my buddy Dan will be enjoying qualifying, practice day and the race from Elliott's pit box and eating and hanging out with the crew in the hauler. Oh and we'll get a bunch of free M&Ms stuff. I will be sure to take plenty of photos.

The weather dicks are calling for rain this Saturday so it looks like I will be taking my boat out on Sunday instead. Yes Dan if you're reading this I will look for your goddamn green sweatshirt!

So on Saturday I will pack for my trip, pay all my bills and go mountain biking in the beautiful rainy weather. YAY Fun!

I will write more later maybe....I feel another funny PA announcement coming on.

New PA Announcement

Okay today I came up with another announcement for the PA system at work. My boss Paul was off all last week on vacation at Disney World. He just came back today and was trying to get caught up on everything. He was kind of stressing a bit so I got on the PA system with this: "Will Paul (last name) please report to your office. Your chickens got loose from their coop and are running amok and scaring the employees"

Holy shitballs me and my buddies were pissing our pants for like 30 minutes! Paul knew it was me and is now promising retaliation. Last time he got me good by filling all of my desk drawers with styrofoam packing peanuts which took me all day to clean out. HA! Bring it on baby!!!

seriously?

Okay the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers named 50 Cent songwriter of the year yesterday. Wow. That's amazing. Here's some actual lyrics from Mr. Cent:

From the song: "Baby If You Get On Your Knees"

hahayo whoo kid man
drop this shit mani goota
go man lets hurry uplets go
manaah yeah
g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g-unit haha
baby if you get on your knees,
put me in your mouth and suck me off
you know i got you(X3)
(come on baby, just kiss it for me)(just put it in your mouth
she was hesitant at first
said she never did it before
as soon as i got her going
she was going like a pro
she went up and down like a merry go round
and.. round and round and SPLASH
she's freaky freaky
when you get her in the bed
you need.. g's like me to get her to give you head
my con-ver-sation is stim-u-lating
she in room 10-19 in the Hilt' and waiting
she got a thing for ballas
i mean a thing for balls
and i had turned her ass out so im the one she calls

Did this guy really win a songwriting award? So if I create a generic machine-generated beat and shout out a bunch of "yeah" "yo muthafucka" "what it is bitch" "ooohhh yeah" I might be up for an award next year!

Shoulda, coulda, woulda

You know, it pisses me off when people run around saying, "Man, if I would have invested $1,000.00 in Microsoft in 1980 I'd be a millionaire today." Yeah well would you have invested in this?



Ladies, I know you'll bash me for it but that's okay:



It's a slow day so I had to put something on my blog.

Sunglasses

Okay what's with celebrities and the sunglasses getting bigger and bigger? This is the fashion now!?!? What's next, velvet jumpsuits with big collars, chest hair and gold chains like Larry on Three's Company? If you ask me these fucking hand-jobs with the big sunglasses look like fucking retards. So what you're telling me is that 2 years ago I wore my pimp costume out for fun and to make a scene but now if I wear it out again I will be all the rave?!?! Then you have the picture-taking paparrazzholes fawning all over them. I would give my little toe off both feet to be a celeb for a day and go to one of these events with the red carpet and field questions from these worthless fuckers . Reporter: "Vinny who are you wearing?" Me: "Your fucking mom on my johnson later on that's who bitch boy." Reporter: "Vinny, who do you want to see win the Oscar tonight?" Me: "Doesn't matter, your mom's a whore dickhead."

Oh how I hate these people. You can't blame celebrities for getting violent with these dick-touchers but you can blame celebrities for lookin' like Larry.

By the way, anyone ever watch that show on VH1 called 'Love Monkey'? I highly recommend it. It's about a guy who works at a very small record label in Manhattan and on almost every episode they have an actual up-and-coming musician as a guest star and they're really frigging good. Plus the main chick on the show is hot. Real good and witty show in case you ever see it on....but what the fuck is a love monkey?

Lost in Alexandria

Okay it was an eventful weekend in case anyone give two shits. I left early Thursday morning to drive from PA down to Alexandria, VA. I had a 1:30pm appointment for an interview at my company's HQs. I applied to our "executive training" program which is where if they pick you you're basically trained and groomed over a 12-24 month period to become a lower-tiered executive (i.e. VP, area manager, site manager). You have to go down to HQ every few weeks for training and to work alongside the COO, current VPs, presidents, etc. Therefore, there's quite a bit at stake. If you get accepted you're in like a dirty shirt....if you don't then you just have to keep doing what you're doing and wait until next time they open it up to apply. Anyway, the trip down was boring and I got into town at about 11:30am. Of course nowadays you cannot check in to many hotels until 3pm....what the fuck is up with that? Then you have to check out by 11am or 12pm the next day? So basically I (my company) was paying $439.00 after tax for a hotel room for 20 hours max! What a bag of shit....anyway I digress.

I got to the hotel and told them to give me a temporary parking card since I couldn't check in yet which they did. Then I found a nice restaurant and ate lunch. Then I got my car back out and drove to HQ for my interview. Everything went extremely well and I will hear the results sometime this week. Although after the interview our HR manager pulled me aside and told me to expect to be accepted. That's great but I will wait to hear the official word before I get goosy.

So then I went back and checked in to my hotel and shit, showered and shaved....okay I didn't really shave. I then walked over to the chart house restairant on the potomac river. Great place...I go there every time I am in Alexandria. I ate crab cakes that were the best I have ever had and drank a beer....okay about 10 beers. I was there for a while meeting interesting characters at the bar and telling jokes and stuff....great time. So then I stumbled around Old Town Alexandria and hit a couple other bars. By the end of the night I had a crowd of like 10 people accompanying me as I continued my bar crawl. I don't know if it was because they took pity on me or if I was just amusing them with my jokes and wit. Yeah, probably the pity choice. So sue me....I was happy that things went well and wanted to celebrate!

So then I had enough drinking and decided to walk back to the hotel. The hotel is right there where all these bars and restaurants are. Well I am walking for what seems like an hour and I was like, "Wait a minute, where the fuck am I?" Somehow I got lost during my3 block walk back to the hotel. I looked around and couldn't find it for the life of me! So I had to wait until a taxi came and I hopped in and told the guy the name of my hotel. So he starts giggling and pulls around the corner and there it was! He didn't charge me but I gave "giggles" a couple bucks anyway....he looked like he could use it. Pretty sad, I used to be able to walk many miles through the woods in the middle of the night and find an orange metal pole in the pitch dark but I couldn't find a building the size of a city block from right around the fucking corner!

Then I slept and drove home Friday and relaxed. Saturday I woke up at 6am and went mountain biking. Poconos is excellent for mountain biking and I tried a new trail that kicked my ass badly. My legs still hurt but I had fun. Lots of stream crossings and cliffs and mud since it's been raining a lot. Plus there's hunters in the woods hunting turkey so there's always the risk of being shot which makes things interesting....and there was a ton of shooting going on. I did some grocery shopping and played with my dog and that's about it. I am pissed I couldn't go out on my boat because of the shit weather....but I will get out there this weekend. The best thing is that in a week I fly to Germany and get to see my girls! I am happy about that. Anyway, sorry this is so long. I will let you know what I hear about the interview.

Hillbillies

Okay you know I have come to the conclusion that no matter where I have ever lived (except Germany) there are a large number of rednecks. New york? Yep. Florida? Plenty of 'em. North Carolina....got 'em. PA? Oh yeah. Georgia? Redneck capital of the world! Well here's a little tribute:

Redneck Hotmail Account



Redneck's Kowasaki



Redneck motorboat



Redneck landscaping



Redneck house alarm



Redneck Palm Pilot

Hottest Chicks EVER!!!

Okay I always say, "Wow she's hot...she's one of my top 10 ever!" Well I decided to actually put some thought into my top 10 ever. Now I am not including the random hottie I see in the grocery store or up at the lake or anything....these are the famous ones. I had trouble picking the actual 10 I like most so I put some honorable mentions here as well. I am sure I will be ridiculed for some or all of my picks but it's how I feel. Although they are in no particular order I think I nailed it. The only one I am sure of is Martina McBride as #1.

Love her voice, music and think she's absolutely beautiful. Martina McBride. The sweetest creature on the planet hands down.



Always loved the look of Eastern European chicks. Milla Jovovich



Never watched the show Grey's Anatomy but I absolutely LOVE Ellen Pompeo.



Sounds like an absolute angel and looks like one...Jewel Kilcher



I have always had a thing for Asian women, especially when they can kick my ass. Zhang Ziyi.



Asian? Yep, and gorgeous....Lucy Liu. Holy Christ she's hot!



I have no idea why but I have a SERIOUS weakness for Mandy Moore.



I am a also serious sucker for Queen Amidala....Natalie Portman



Fell in love with her in the movie Pearl Harbor...Kate Beckinsale



And fuhgeddaboud it...how can Charlize Theron not be on my list. I would drink her bath water.



Okay honorable mentions:

Absolutely LOVE Patricia Heaton...how can I not love a Republican MILF?!?!?



Ever see those Mercury Automobile commercials? I am real sweet on this broad...Jill Wagner



Hate her music...but damn she's smokin' and the accent gives me a boner Natalie Imbruglia



JAG hottie Catherine Bell. Handcuffs? Yes please.



And finally we all saw her turned into the prom queen as Laney Boggs.... Rachel Leigh Cook

Quit bitching about oil already!!!

The following is an excerpt from the book Myths, Lies and Downright Stupidity by ABC 20/20 reporter John Stossel. It is a book about how media members take their leads from activist groups, become alarmed and rush to get the story to the public while remaining scientifically ignorant of any facts. This is coming from a prominent member of the media who acknowledges his guilt in this practice as well!!!! And before we start bitching about oil companies let's try to remember that they do not set the prices....the worldwide commodity market does that based purely on speculation. Oil companies are only in the unenviable position of reporting those prices to the consumer. Oil company CEOs making tons of money? Yep, it's called capitalism and free market enterprise....get used to it folks. More power to them for being successful. I'd rather give them my money than some bum sitting in an alleyway.

MYTH: Gas prices are going through the roof.

TRUTH: Gasoline is a bargain.
The media periodically get upset about "record" gas prices. "The price of gasoline has risen again to a record high!" said one newscaster in 2004. "The high prices are making it harder for some to keep their heads above water," said another. Drivers assume what they see at the pump confirms what they've heard on TV. One told me the prices are "scary." A woman said gas was "going up and up and up, and it's the most expensive it's ever been." And she was on a bike.
The media were saying that gas prices were at record highs for one simple, simple-minded reason: They are economically illiterate, so they didn't account for inflation. That makes the numbers look bigger than the costs actually are. Such reporting is silly. Not adjusting for inflation would mean that the movies Meet the Fockers and Rush Hour 2 outgrossed Gone With the Wind. It's not as if the reporters would have to work at doing calculations to figure this out. Not only are there instant inflation calculators on the Web, but the U.S. Department of Energy accounts for inflation in its annual report of gas prices. At the time I'm writing this, the average price of gasoline in the U.S. is $2.26 per gallon. Once you account for inflation, that means gas today is sixty-seven cents a gallon cheaper than it was in 1922, and sixty-nine cents cheaper than in 1981. True, after Hurricane Katrina the price did reach an average of $2.87 per gallon-but that still is lower than the record average set in March 1981 of $3.12 per gallon.
By failing to account for inflation, the media have some Americans so alarmed that they can't think straight. "What costs more," I asked customers at a gas station, "gasoline or bottled water?" The answer I got from almost everyone was gasoline. At that very gas station, water was for sale at $1.29 for a twenty-four-ounce bottle. That's $6.88 per gallon, three times what the station charged for gasoline. It gets sillier. I asked gas station customers, "What costs more, gasoline or ice cream?" Again, most people said gasoline cost more. But at $3.39 a pint, "premium" ice cream costs about $27.00 a gallon. We should marvel at how cheap gasoline is-what a bargain we get from oil companies. After all, it's easy to bottle water, but think about what it takes to produce and deliver gasoline. Oil has to be sucked out of the ground, sometimes from deep beneath an ocean. To get to the oil, the drills often have to bend and dig sideways through as much as five miles of earth. What they find then has to be delivered through long pipelines or shipped in monstrously expensive ships, then converted into three or more different formulas of gasoline and transported in trucks that cost more than $100,000 each. Then your local gas station must spend a fortune on safety devices to make sure you don't blow yourself up. At $2.96 a gallon (about fifty cents of which goes to taxes), gas is miraculously cheap! But what we heard from the clueless media was, "Gas prices are at record highs!"

Butt Pirates and Ass Raiders UNITE!!!

This sucks dude....we have our summer interns coming here this week and starting work. About every one of them is a hot ass young college chick. That is really the last thing I need to see when I walk in first thing in the morning. To top it all off they don't dress appropriately for an office environment. Many wear tank tops and flip flops. Now to be honest, I don't mind chicks' feet one bit, nor do I mind the tight tank top with ample bosoms struggling to get out of it. However, I still think you shouldn't dress like that in an office....especially when most people are wearing nice clothes. I can see if that's the policy for the whole office then fine...but here it is not. To top it all off, I'm not sure where these kids go to school but they sound like fucking retards! I like hate like when like people like cannot like say like a like sentence like without like using like the like word like like. How fucking stupid do you sound? Like VERY!

Random thought of the day:

Don’t you hate when you take a crap and the water splashes up on your ass? Yes, you know it has happened to you.

Test in logic:
I always see fat people drinking diet soda; therefore, diet soda makes people fat.

Possibly the funniest picture I have ever seen in my life:



Did you know that cows are the most intelligent animals on earth? Yep, they've logged in higher on intelligence exams than most New Orleans residents! Plus they have GREAT ASSES!



The third world just fielded a new prototype delivery system. It's called "DSHFS" meaning Donkey Says Holy Fucking SHIT!




This little bastard's got issues!!!



And finally, you know this guy must have REALLY fucked something up BIG TIME....then again, I would don the penis outfit and stand on the corner just for the laugh of it....

Alexandria Update

Okay so I called our corporate travel lady this morning to book my hotel room. There's a nice Radisson in Old Town Alexandria right on the Potomac that our company has a contract with. This way the room is direct billed to the company and I never have to pay anything. Well it was booked....so were the other hotels our company uses. So I was kind of bummed out....then the corporate travel lady says, "Hold on, we have a nice one here with one room available....it's a 2 bedroom suite." I was like, "I'll take it!" The best part is that it is right smack dab in the middle of all the cool shit....restaurants, shops, river walk area, etc. The only drawback is that it is $400 plus tax per night. Since we don't have a contract with them I have to front the bill and then get reimbursed which is no big deal since I have a travel credit card anyways. Just a pain in the ass doing the expense sheets but I would have to do it anyway to get paid for tolls and mileage. The other bad thing is it is a far walk to our company HQ from here. The Radisson is right across the street but this is like 10 blocks or so. Guess I will take my bike over. By the way anyone know what the corp. mileage rate is these days?

I am looking forward to eating at the Chart House also. I ate there last time I was at HQ. It is on the river and elevated a bit so you have a great view of everything. Then they got all kinds of great pubs there in Old Town so I will probably bar hop for a little while and go back to my room and go to bed.

Did anyone (i.e. 2 of you plus the occasional stranger) do anything special for mother's day? I sent my wife a big thing of flowers to her in Germany and sent my mom a card with $$$ in it.

Weekend

Okay, pretty fun weekend...here's a wrap-up in case you give a flying rat's ass:

Friday, my army buddy Dan arrived from Maryland en route to Buffalo. We already had planned what we were gonna do Friday when he got here: first go to the Edelweiss German restaurant and eat steaks on a rock. Now in case you're not familiar with this it is a common thing in Germany, they bring you out your choice of a 6, 8, or 10 oz raw filet mignon on a very hot piece of granite and you cut it in small pieces and cook it yourself. It comes with all these dipping sauces and is really good. It is also fun cooking your own food at the table but they should make it cheaper since you're doing all the work!

Once we finished there we headed over to Club Zodiac. Imagine, if you can, a dance club/bar out in the middle of the woods in a rural area. Bingo....you have the Zodiac club. We had some drinks and talked to some people (yep, chicks) and then we went home at the end of the night to rest up.

Saturday we got up...even though I had to wait on Dan's lazy ass to get up and we drove up to the lake and met up with a friend we met Friday night. We went out on my boat for the day. We had a few beers (I only had 1.5) and did some fishing and grilled some burgers and hot dogs. Then it clouded up and we left just in time before the rain came. We went home, took a nap, shit showered and shaved and then Dan and I went to the Blakeslee Inn for dinner. Nice place, very fancy, very good food. The shitty thing is I had a burger right before my nap and later when we went to eat I wasn't that hungry.

After dinner we went to Shenanigans. We had to...here's why. Friday night our chick friend we met told us "Try Shenanigans, it's full of older women with money from New Jersey who are looking for younger guys". Dan wanted to go and hook up, I wanted to go and witness it. So we went. Lots and lots of hotties. It was Karaoke night so it was pretty funny but most of the people that got up and sang were really good. Anyway, hotties to my left and hotties to my right but they were young. You know normal 20s and stuff and they were all with dudes. There weren't any older women with money from Jersey anywhere to be found. But it was pretty fun nonetheless. Then we left at 2am and went home and put the TV on and as I flipped the channels Jackass was on MTV. Dan had never watched it so I left it on and we're dying laughing. So I said, "Dude, I got the movie on DVD" and we threw it in. We had some more beers and we were absolutely crying we were laughing so hard watching the movie. Anyway, then we went to bed and Dan left yesterday afternoon and I cleaned up around the house.

Good stuff, the only problem was that I smoked too much so I am done with that now for a while. Anyway, I have to drive down to Virginia this Thursday for an interview. No I am not looking for a new job, it is for an executive program in my company. I will stay the night in Old Town Alexandria and drive home Friday whenever the hell I feel like it. I have to bring my mountain bike though because Alexandria has CRAZY bike trails. The best part is that it is all free. God, I love my job.

Potpourri

Okay so it is official...weather-people suck big ass! I know I have said that before but now I have even more evidence. All week they've said rain Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun. Well it did rain last night but now it is beautiful out. I checked weather on 3 different websites.....just yesterday they all said rain all day Friday. Well now they all say nice and only partly cloudy today. So if they cannot accurately tell what the weather will be like a day in advance, how the hell do they know that it is going to be a terrible hurricane season? Here's a little secret: they don't know. They build it up just like every other year in hopes of securing more research $$$. Except now their argument is more powerful because ignorant people are scared that another Katrina can happen!!! You know what? It will happen eventually. I personally don't agree with all the money pouring in to rebuild New Orleans. It will happen again. That city falls more and more inches below sea level every 10 years or so. That means it takes more and more effort to keep the water out. Oh and we all know how well Mayor Nagin and Gov Blanco spend the money they're given on improving the city's pumping system and levys. Audits revealed that less than 50% of government funding for these purposes was spent on it! Oh yeah I forgot....it is the Presiden't fault that an elected mayor and governor are absolutely worthless and the voters too stupid to acknowledge it. Wow I got off on some tangent!!!

On a lighter note....I have decided that I will only wear Nautica shirts and ties at work from here on out. I have a varitable cornucopia of different brand name shirts and ties: Calvin Klein, Van Heusen, DKNY, Kenneth Cole, etc. That's it.....my Nautica shirts never need to be ironed after I wash them and they always stay very nice. The other ones I have to run an iron over 10 times and they still look like ass! Screw that.....who needs it. Plus Nautica has the best colors anyway!

Who ever heard of scheduling a meeting from 3-4pm on a Friday?!?! Yeah well I have one today. No I didn't schedule it. It is a teleconference with my company's HQ located in Alexandria, VA. I firmly believe that since most of those folks commute via the beltway, they're in no rush to leave. They figure, "Ahhh, we'll have the teleconference while the traffic dies down a bit." #1 rule of management: don't do stupid things. This is stupid.

I have recently learned how to access the PA system here at work so now I spend half the day making funny and bogus announcements like, "Will Sven Hogsnards please dial extension 1234" or "Will Seymour Heine please call extension 9876". Dude, it is hilarious. I actually have people come to my office saying, "Vinny do another one do another one!" Gotta love productivity. Is it a wonder that I wake up every morning and look forward so much to going to work?!?!

Funny work story: last week my boss and I were in a meeting with the big boss. So this summer the Colonel in charge of the depot is changing command. My boss asks the big boss, "Mike do you know who the new Colonel will be or do you have a bio on him yet?" I meant to say it quitely so only my boss heard it but I blurted out, "Why? You looking to start kissing his ass already?" and the whole damn room heard it and started dying! My boss and the big boss were pissing their pants laughing. Whew! I gotta say it was pretty damn funny.

Jeez, that's enough writing for now....I really gotta get a life! Have a wonderful weekend! I will. "C'mon ride the train it's a choo choo train..." TOODLES!

Toe the line

Okay I have to get another thing off my chest. Last week I ranted about flippers....the flip flop nation of knuckleheaded men. Well, I guess this is sort of related only not (huh?). It absolutely drives me nuts when people's "middle" toe is longer than their big toe. Ever since I can remember this has bothered me. Then while watching the movie "Shallow Hal" one day not that long ago they discussed it in the movie. I was like, "Holy Shit!!! I am not the only person this bothers!!!" I can tolerate even length or even just a hair over.....but when I see someone (man or woman) with that middle toe just WAY out there like one-and-a-half toe lengths beyond the big toe that KILLS me! Now I realize it is not any fault of the person and that nobody could possibly help this. I got it. I understand that. Does it help me cope? Nope! So imagine my shock when I see a flipper with the frog toe. I call it frog toe because if you ever look at a frog's foot it has a humongous middle toe. The worst are the redneck frog-toe-flippers. These guys have the added dimension of feet cheese sprinkled on top of the whole production. It's like a wild phallangical circus! I mean for Christ's sake in the name of human decency....put some shoes on!!! I know I shouldn't let such things bother me. But goddamn it I gotta have SOMETHING to bitch about!!!

EOO

Yeah so maybe it is not politically correct but then, neither am I nor will I ever make an effort to be. I just got this from one of my friends (a black guy by the way) that I worked with in Manhattan. I thought it was pretty damn funny so I will share it. It's an equal opportunity offender so have at it!

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5-year-old child is too big for a stroller.
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional ass whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name, but not for every daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

Random Thoughts....

Not much to talk about so I figured I would post some radom thoughts on some random items of the day:

1) I am pretty pissed off there's supposed to be rain all weekend. Even though weather people have no idea about the weather more than 2 days out it will put a damper on things if it holds true for the weekend. They said the same up until Thursday last week and the weekend was beautiful. My point? Weather people suck a giant ass!

2) I was happy to hear about the extension on the capital gains tax break. This doesn't affect everyone but it happens to affect me pretty significantly with many of my investments. I shouldn't be penalized for making money off of less-than-long-term investments. That's a bunch of shit.

3) Britney Spears is pregnant again....just what she needs....she can't take care of one let alone 2.

4) I put 2 really great songs on my iPod last night a) "Join me in Death" by H.I.M and b) "Helena" by My Chemical Romance. I now have over 7 hours of music on there.

5) I have a golf match after work today....I am pretty fired up about that. We won last week and I shot a 43 on a par 37 nine-holes. Not too shabby. I can't see myself doing too much better than that but hopefully I will stay consistent.

6) Bought another stock a few weeks ago and it is up 35%. Maybe I should quit my job and become a day-trader.....NOT!

7) Did you ever go a long time without pooping? Until yesterday I hadn't pooped in like 2.5 days! The longest I ever went before that was just over a week from June 1st 1992 until June 9th 1992. Amazing!

8) My favorite movie ever? Amadeus; Favorite song ever? "Sexual Healing"-Marvin Gaye; Favorite Color? Dunno Favorite Quote: "There are a thousand reasons for failure but not a single excuse" - V. Lombardi

Well hmmmm, I think that's all I am capable of right now....pretty busy day at work. Maybe I will add more later.

Phat Weekend

Just wanted to post some pics of my most recent day on the lake. Yes I did shave but have no fear, I am growing the goatee back....just have to shave it off once in a while to appreciate why I grew it in the first place. The last pic isn't me in the funny hat, that's my old man. Unfortunately I don't have any pics of us reeling in the big fish....that might be because we didn't catch shit! The sweatshirts are because it was still chilly in the morning. But it warmed up quite nicely for the rest of the day. I guess that's what you get for living along the outer edge of the goddamn arctic circle! This weekend one of my army buddies is coming up and we'll be out on the lake all weekend....probably just spending the night out there. Plus there's some good restaurants and stuff around the lake you can just pull your boat up to and dock and eat. Plus I might break out the water skis but that water is still pretty cold. Anyway, I have something else....funny....to post later. TOODLES!

Sad Day

It is a sad day for me...tonight is the last episode of 7th Heaven. Now it will probably be replaced by another "reality" show or sitcom like girlfriends or Moesha or something. Just what we need. Shitty. Oh well, I am sick of TV anyway so I guess it is no bog deal right? I'll just watch Dukes of Hazzard reruns on CMT. "Hey Cooter......"

SAP

Alright, now I know this is super-sappy but who gives a fuck? I don't have much to write about today. It's Friday, the Yankees won, good weather, going on my boat Sunday, all is well in NEPA. So in lieu of writing any whimsical nonsense I am just going to post a few of my favorite pics of little Stinky since I really miss her.

Rules to live by...

I was cleaning out my mailbox and I came across an e mail from my friend Liza. It contains a bunch of funny new rules that should be put forward and it is pretty hilarious....and true as far as I am concerned. I won't delete this from my mailbox because it's a keeper.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or justsome freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I justwant to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months and 15 days"; "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years: because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're agrown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

Cool Stuff

Okay so I am always railing on about stuff that pisses me off or things I hate. In an effort to be more positive I came up with a short list of cool things or things that I like or make me feel good:
1) Everything about my family--especially my little girl.

2) Sitting on my back deck with a bottle of wine, my guitar, pen and paper and writing music.

3) Being out on my boat.

4) Wrestling with my hound dog.

5) Falling asleep to rain and thunder.

6) Being alone out in the middle of the woods on my mountain bike. Unfortunately I have to be armed when I do this because of all the bears around here...which leads to #7

7) Going to the shooting range and firing all of my weapons.

8) Work....yes I enjoy my work.

9) Sitting in small bars and/or pubs listening to a good band play.

10) Making people laugh.

I know I know it's a kind of boring list. So maybe I am kinda boring I guess. Oh well, regardless, I have a great life and couldn't ask for anything more.

And this will always be #1 on my list:

Pet Peeves

Okay admittedly there are a lot of things that bother or irk me. You know the usual stuff, when 2 assholes in the supermarket have to stop in the middle of the aisle and have a conference while you're trying to get through. Cell phones in the movie theater (even though I refuse to go to the movies and haven't been in over 6 years). But there's one thing in particular that really gets my goat and I only bring it up because 'tis the season for these knuckleheads to be walking around. What am I talking about? The guys that walk around with jeans on (usually ripped), button down or polo shirts, and those fucking sandals or flip flops with their feet hanging out all over the place. Put some goddamn shoes on! I got a prelude to it last month when I drove down to Maryland to visit one of my army buddies. We went to the bar (SURPRISE!) and these characters were everywhere. They're usually all clones also. Tall, lanky, wavy styled hair, shirt with a collar, jeans, and feet. Big ol' stank feet hanging out. My buddy and I were sitting there chatting with a couple of women (innocently I might add) and I brought it up and the women said, "Eeew we hate that too." Well of course within about 5 minutes a guy friend of theirs came over to say hi to them and he was a flipper (my term for these dicks). I waited for them to say something to him but it never came. When he left I asked them,"I thought you hated flippers, why didn't you say anything?" They just said they would feel bad saying so. Okay, I can live with that....whatever! Now that it is warming up here in PA after like 9 goddamn months of winter the flippers are out and about all over the friggin' place. I have been known to mosey up to the bar and make eye contact with them and say something like, "Nice shoes". I usually get a genuine thanks for it!! Little do they know what I mean so I walk away with some gratification. Anyway, I don't think dudes should walk around with their feet hanging out unless they're at the beach or pool or somewhere like that where they're practical. The best is when I used to see them hobbling around NYC because they got some broken glass wedged in there or something. Why the hell would you walk around NYC with exposed feet?!? Anyway, I don't mind when chicks do it because I actually think it is a feminine thing to do. Double standard? You betcha and I don't mind saying so.

Big Pig

Okay, not that I ever liked her but now Madonna has officially taken over as Entertainment's biggest PIG. She just kicked off her tour at some obscure California (go figure) music festival where, during an energetic rendition of her song I Love New York, Madonna roared, "Just go to Texas and suck George Bush's dick." Really. Is she serious? What ever happened to decency? People wonder why kids run around these days getting in trouble and having no respect for any type of authority when it is a simple reason. Because fucking idiotic parents let their kids watch and listen to people like this instead of instilling a sense of what's right in their children. Yep that's right....it always comes back to the parents. Kid screws off in school? It's not always the teachers fault....though sometimes they share the blame. But it is ALWAYS the parents' fault. People are too busy trying to work work work...career career career. That's fine, then don't have a frigging kid. Dump the kid in daycare all day, then come home and let your kid play video games and watch MTV all night....I guarantee in 90% of these cases you have a waste of a child. My point is: "people" like Madonna who say and do these things influence kids because their parents let them. Maybe China's idea of sterilization isn't so goddamn bad after all.

Eventful Weekend

So Friday I left work early (about 12:30pm) to go home and pick up my wife and daughter and drive them to Newark Airport. The ride there wasn't bad...except for the fact I was upset about them leaving. We got there, sat down and ate together (2 tiny little sandwiches, 1 water and 1 coke=$19.50). Then I saw them off at the security line (3.271 miles long). I was all upset and teary-eyed and stuff and began the drive home....not too bad until where I280 turns into I80 and then the frigging parking lot began. I must have flipped off, honked at and cursed out about 20 women yapping away on their phones instead of paying attention to what was in front of them. Yes there were men on phones also but they at least moved along with everyone else. Finally got home at about 7pm. My dad was there as he was working on my shed all day (no I am not a slave laborer, he chose to come down for the day and work on the shed).

Saturday we worked on the shed all day minus a trip to Wal-Mart to get supplies/bait for the boat. Got a lot done on the shed and made dinner for me and the old man.

Sunday got up early (6am) and did some grocery shopping. Then came home and got the old man and we went to the lake and I had the marina bring my boat down and drop it in the water for me and I parked it at my dock. My old man and I loaded up all the crap I had bought for the boat. Good thing I had him there to help or I would still be loading shit up. Then we casted off and tooled around the lake. I had it up to 40 mph and still didn't have the throttle all the way. When we started jumping over waves and shit I decided to back it off....made me nervous. Then we stopped and fished, moved and fished again, moved and fished again. We grilled some burgers and ate and fished some more. Didn't catch a goddamn thing but I didn't give a rat's ass....we had a blast. Got a bad sunburn on the back of my neck though. Anyway then came the part I had been fearing all day: driving the boat in and docking it. Well, I pulled in nice and slow and believe me when I tell you it is a tight squeeze. Anyway, we nailed it perfectly. Made me very happy that I didn't crash into anything. All in all a perfect day on the lake. The only thing that could have made it better would have been to have my wife and Stinky there with me. Buying the boat was definitely a great call. NICE!